August 4, 2017

Time sure flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? Or at least it does when you’re making up the news. This week marks Team Fergmeijer’s second anniversary of writing this column (yes, we keep track)!! Local newspaper aficionado Jamie Ward was overheard saying, “this has got to be one of the finest tag teams in journalistic history, yo.”

We asked our loyal followers to submit jokes for this week’s column to celebrate. Also, we were feeling lazy and like the idea of someone else doing the work for once. Willa kicks off the festivities with a classic: Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

Have you been by to see the newest residents of the downtown? One of the first sculptures commissioned and facilitated by 4elements and the township was installed recently in front of the Park Centre. The work is excellent; it took us 3 days to realize that the pigeon was part of the sculpture (we just thought it was really lethargic).

Local swashbuckler Craig J crafted this joke just for us: How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.

Next up in the Old Mill Heritage Centre’s Historic Speaker Series is Patricia Pearson, granddaughter of former Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson, on August 10th. For more information, contact the Old Mill Heritage Centre at 705-282-1442 or email oldmillheritage@billingstwp.ca

Laurie from Evansville writes: Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

There have been numerous Steve Paikin sightings around the township this week. Of all the big celebrities that visit Kagawong he is definitely our favourite, though we try to keep the fan-girling to a minimum when he is around.

Jean wrote in with a joke inspired by the Café: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

There’s more than glorious weather to celebrate on this first week of August; Lisa H is celebrating her 29th birthday tomorrow. We hope she has a wonderful day!

From Aus: Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines!

Have you been to the Riverbend Stage lately? Throughout the summer you can enjoy live music at this hidden gem tucked away behind the Park Centre. Musical talent Townline (country, folk, gospel) and Oh Behave (music from the 50s and 60s) will be performing on a variety of dates over the next few weeks. Admission is free; contact the Billings Economic Development Committee for more information.

Even the Kagawong Gobble Brigade (our most avid avian followers) sent one in! What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

And now for something completely different! On August 12-13 join in the Lower Mudge Bay Fun on the Water poker run! Enter at the Austin Hunt Marina (entry fee of $5) and enjoy exploring Mudge Bay by boat while collecting your poker hand. A pot luck supper will follow, as well as live music. Ask at the marina for more details.

We recently lost long-time resident of Kagawong, Ken Parks. His family would like to invite friends and community members to a celebration of his life on August 20th. It will start with a potluck lunch at 11 at the market pavilion.

And finally, from our biggest fans (our mothers): Why did the melons get married at home? Because they cantaloupe! Have a great week!