August 25, 2017

Thank you to everyone who stopped by the market pavilion on Monday to take a peek at the eclipse through special eclipse glasses! Team Fergmeijer greatly appreciated the ability to be nerdy in public.

Congratulations to Linda F who is celebrating a real milestone this week. Imagine the sheer amount of wisdom and dirty jokes one can accumulate by the time you hit 29! Happy birthday also goes out to Amy H and Diane L who turn 29 next week.

You know what’s odd? Every other number.

Next movie night at the Billings Library is tomorrow night (August 26). Get back to your bilingual roots with Bon Cop, Bad Cop 2 (rated 14A)! Admission is free, as always. The movie starts at 7pm.

Despite conspiracy theories that have been swirling, Team Fergmeijer is confident that the eclipse and the extreme, expedited erosion that put the beach slide out of commission are not connected. Although, we are less sure that the rise in the number of turkeys in town isn’t connected to the rise in bird puns in our column.

Speaking of birds, this week’s Turkey Trivia is brought to you by the KGB (Kagawong Gobble Brigade), who seem to have recently commandeered the Bavarian House. Did you know? “A male turkey is called a tom or a gobbler, a female is a hen, and a baby turkey a poult or chick. A young male turkey is called a jake and a young female is a jenny. A group of wild turkeys is called a flock, a group of domesticated turkeys is commonly referred to as a rafter.” The KGB also add that the rafters of turkeys seen around town are not delicious at all.

If you see MBB (aka Mike C) out and about, ask him about his new accessory he had installed recently. We wish him a speedy recovery!

Mimi O’Bonsawin is back playing live at the marina tonight! The show has a 7-ish start, and it is highly recommended that you bring your own chairs.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two - one to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and a second to give it a surprise twist at the end.

Save the date! Bark in the Park is back again this year on September 9. The fun starts at noon and runs until 2. This year’s theme is ‘Our rescued animals and local organizations who help.’ Bring your four-legged friends and sit, stay and play! And don’t forget, the Kagawong Canine Social Club meets every Sunday at 1pm.

Back to school is just around the corner. Team Fergmeijer has some advice for students looking ahead to September: Always wear glasses to math class - they help division. Have a great week!

August 18, 2017

How does the Man on the Moon cut his hair? Eclipse it! Don’t forget to check out the partial solar eclipse this coming Monday. The Moon will begin passing in front of the Sun just after 1pm, hit its maximum coverage around 2:30pm, and will be finished by about 3:45pm. Remember, never look directly at the sun unless you have proper eye protection. Team Fergmeijer will be at the market pavilion downtown Kagawong Monday afternoon with some solar viewing glasses if you’d like to come and check it out. Find out more about the eclipse at https://goo.gl/FsFHfE

There are several birthdays coming up next week. Mike Z and Karen D have birthdays on the 24th while Bonnie F celebrates tomorrow! If you see any of these young’uns, wish them a happy 29th birthday.

Next movie night at the Billings Library is tomorrow night (August 19). If you haven’t gotten enough time at the beach so far this summer, then come on out to see Baywatch (rated R)! Admission is free, as always. The movie starts at 7pm.

Only a few weeks of summer left to enjoy live music at the Riverbend Stage tucked away behind the Park Centre. Musical talent Townline (country, folk, gospel) and Oh Behave! (music from the 50s and 60s) will be performing on a variety of dates over the next few weeks. Admission is free; contact the Billings Economic Development Committee for more information.

We recently lost long-time resident of Kagawong, Ken Park. His family would like to invite friends and community members to a celebration of his life on Sunday. It will start with a potluck lunch at 11am at the market pavilion (or Park Centre if the weather doesn’t cooperate).

Save the date! Bark in the Park is back again this year on September 9. Stay tuned for more details coming soon. And don’t forget, the Kagawong Canine Social Club meets every Sunday at 1pm.

We got some critical feedback on our name suggestions for the bird on the new statue, mostly to quit raven on with the bird puns. We’re talon you, we didn’t mean to ruffle any feathers, we just didn’t want to get caught robin anyone of a chance to suggest a good name. In any case, we don’t egret what we said. As local ornithologist Jamie Ward said, “No need to fly off the handle, yo.” We’re still accepting name suggestions at Facebook.com/kagawong1

August 11, 2017

Never stop learning! Team Fergmeijer discovered recently that singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

The final speaker in the Old Mill Heritage Centre’s Historic Speaker Series was Patricia Pearson, granddaughter of former Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson, who spoke to a packed house on August 10th. The Lester B. Pearson exhibit is still up at the Heritage Centre - be sure to check it out before it’s too late!

Happy belated birthday to Stasia C who celebrated her birthday last week. She makes 29 look good!

Tomorrow night, be sure to come to the library to watch the Billings debut of Captain Underpants! 7pm start, free admission as always. Check out the library’s Facebook page for upcoming shows and dates!

Recently, Kagawong lost its big city status as the stoplight at the canal crossing was finally taken down. We’re back to stop signs and yield signs, just the way we like it!

Have you been to the Riverbend Stage lately? Throughout the summer you can enjoy live music at this hidden gem tucked away behind the Park Centre. Musical talent Townline (country, folk, gospel) and Oh Behave (music from the 50s and 60s) will be performing on a variety of dates over the next few weeks. Admission is free; contact the Billings Economic Development Committee for more information.

This weekend - don’t miss out! On August 12-13 join in the Lower Mudge Bay Fun on the Water poker run! Enter at the Austin Hunt Marina (entry fee of $5) and enjoy exploring Mudge Bay by boat while collecting your poker hand. A pot luck supper will follow, as well as live music. Ask at the marina for more details.

We recently lost long-time resident of Kagawong, Ken Park. His family would like to invite friends and community members to a celebration of his life on August 20th. It will start with a potluck lunch at 11am at the market pavilion (or Park Centre if the weather doesn’t cooperate).

As always, check out the farmer’s market every Wednesday downtown. There are lots of fresh veggies, delicious baked goods, and fabulous gifts and crafts.

Does your four-legged friend need a chance to burn off some energy this summer? Head for the off-leash dog park to mingle with like-minded people and pooches. The park is open 24/7, but for a guaranteed good time, the Kagawong Canine Social Club meets every Sunday at 1pm.

Here at Team Fergmeijer, we feel that the bird on the new sculpture could do with a name. We’ve been toying with a few, like Steven Seagull, Swan Ronson, Russell Crow, Michael Crane, Ethan Hawk, or Sean Canary.

Are you not emused by our jokes? Do they ruffle your feathers? Do you think they should be ill-eagle? Well, that’s hawkward.

Now it’s your tern! If you can sparrow moment of your time, please let us know your favourite. You can do it owl by yourself, or tucan get together to vote at Facebook.com/kagawong1.

August 4, 2017

Time sure flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? Or at least it does when you’re making up the news. This week marks Team Fergmeijer’s second anniversary of writing this column (yes, we keep track)!! Local newspaper aficionado Jamie Ward was overheard saying, “this has got to be one of the finest tag teams in journalistic history, yo.”

We asked our loyal followers to submit jokes for this week’s column to celebrate. Also, we were feeling lazy and like the idea of someone else doing the work for once. Willa kicks off the festivities with a classic: Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

Have you been by to see the newest residents of the downtown? One of the first sculptures commissioned and facilitated by 4elements and the township was installed recently in front of the Park Centre. The work is excellent; it took us 3 days to realize that the pigeon was part of the sculpture (we just thought it was really lethargic).

Local swashbuckler Craig J crafted this joke just for us: How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.

Next up in the Old Mill Heritage Centre’s Historic Speaker Series is Patricia Pearson, granddaughter of former Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson, on August 10th. For more information, contact the Old Mill Heritage Centre at 705-282-1442 or email oldmillheritage@billingstwp.ca

Laurie from Evansville writes: Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

There have been numerous Steve Paikin sightings around the township this week. Of all the big celebrities that visit Kagawong he is definitely our favourite, though we try to keep the fan-girling to a minimum when he is around.

Jean wrote in with a joke inspired by the Café: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

There’s more than glorious weather to celebrate on this first week of August; Lisa H is celebrating her 29th birthday tomorrow. We hope she has a wonderful day!

From Aus: Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines!

Have you been to the Riverbend Stage lately? Throughout the summer you can enjoy live music at this hidden gem tucked away behind the Park Centre. Musical talent Townline (country, folk, gospel) and Oh Behave (music from the 50s and 60s) will be performing on a variety of dates over the next few weeks. Admission is free; contact the Billings Economic Development Committee for more information.

Even the Kagawong Gobble Brigade (our most avid avian followers) sent one in! What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

And now for something completely different! On August 12-13 join in the Lower Mudge Bay Fun on the Water poker run! Enter at the Austin Hunt Marina (entry fee of $5) and enjoy exploring Mudge Bay by boat while collecting your poker hand. A pot luck supper will follow, as well as live music. Ask at the marina for more details.

We recently lost long-time resident of Kagawong, Ken Parks. His family would like to invite friends and community members to a celebration of his life on August 20th. It will start with a potluck lunch at 11 at the market pavilion.

And finally, from our biggest fans (our mothers): Why did the melons get married at home? Because they cantaloupe! Have a great week!