Holiday Special 2020

‘Twas the night before Christmas in a hell of a year.
Dear column readers, we could use some good cheer!

In March we locked down, and since then have been leery;

New COVID protocols making us all pretty weary.

But it wasn’t all bad in our quaint little town,

At least we had a chance to finish streaming The Crown. 

Some were predicting disaster and doom,

But we moved things online, to Meets and to Zoom.

The lack of Christmas concert caused people to gripe, 

So it streamed online hosted by Jill and by Mike. 

Many a new act from citizens were submit, 

As well as a replay of the classic chicken skit.

But it wasn’t just Christmas that was revived and renewed,

Over and over we came through, with courageous fortitude!

While eateries in some places found themselves in distress, 

Our sammiches went from Café to Express!

The small craft harbour had a lot of work done. 

Now even more boaters can join in the fun. 

“Christmas in Kagawong” was early, but was still a big hit...

Fergmeijer spent a lot there, we have to admit.

Coffee, massages, birdhouses and gas:

Kagawong attracted new visitors en masse!

Keeping us on our toes, the market moved up the hill,

While Town office staff went back to the Old Mill.

Black holes are to blame! At least that’s our deduction,

Resulting in gazebo and porch reconstruction.

The housing market boomed, there is no doubt:

The secret of Billings is definitely out!

High water levels all over had beaches disappearing, 

So the Old Mill was protected with some new engineering. 

The stairs to the falls were declared a taboo, 

Bringing tourists downtown, not just passing through.

Last year we wished you 12 months of good things, 

Little did we know what 2020 would bring. 

This year instead, we’ll toast to your health,

Happiness and love: the real measures of wealth.

Until next year, take care of you and yours.

Maybe by then we’ll have new Euchre scores. 

December 18, 2020

Your favourite hard-hitting journalists have been busy crossing people off our ‘to-buy-for’ list. Most of them because we managed to find the perfect gift, but some just because they criticized our puns. For those we do buy for, we like to wrap the gifts up with beautiful paper and top it off with a candy cane. We don’t use any broken candy canes though; only those in mint condition. For one friend, we bought a pair of shoes online without seeing them. It wasn’t until they arrived that we realized one of them wasn’t right. We are especially excited for one gift in particular. We bought our Manitoulin Mom a refrigerator this year. We can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it! 

Following in the footsteps of Team Fergmeijer’s regular reporting on the Kagawong goings-on, the Township of Billings is now publishing monthly newsletters! Head to the township website (billingstwp.ca) and click on “Administration” in the top menu bar to check it out! 

We have a winner! Congratulations to Rachel Valade on winning the Dig and Doug birdfeeder as part of the Billings Library’s latest fundraiser! Second place - and winner of the jar of candies - is Linda Ferguson. Congratulations, ladies! Thank you to everyone who bought tickets and entered their guesses.

Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

Happy 29th birthday to Darren H, a guy who has yet to start looking his age (or acting it)! Also celebrating is online force-of-nature Christine L-M. She turns 29 today! We hope Little One bakes you up something spectacular, and that the cows stay on the correct side of the fencing. 

It’s here! It’s here! Get ready for a Kagawong Community Christmas Concert like no other tomorrow, Saturday December 19th, at 7pm. Pop on your fuzziest slippers, top up a mug of your favourite hot beverage, and gather the family on the couch to tune in on Zoom. Go to https://tinyurl.com/KagawongXmas2020 to join the concert. Passcode is: Kagawong. 

As always, we like to pay it forward, so cash donations can be made to Manitoulin Family Resources in lieu of our usual non-perishable collection (www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9789).

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, and the worst of thymes.

Don’t forget that the landfill will be closed Thursday, December 24th, and Thursday, December 31st; the library will be closed Thursday the 24th, Saturday the 26th, and Thursday the 31st; the town office will be closed from Thursday, December 24th until Friday, January 3rd, 2021. 

Did you know? A plateau is the highest form of flattery. Have a great week!

December 11, 2020

Most weeks, Team Fergmeijer approaches the column with some sort of idea or theme in mind. This week we are drawing a bit of a blank, so we decided to dig up the funniest bits of random silliness we have accumulated over the years. This makes it sound like we put lots of planning and fore-thought into each column, and much like our secret identities, we have no plans of revealing the actual truth of our organizational skills. 

Santa made an early stop in the village last weekend to (socially distant) visit with the locals. Everyone was so excited to see him and make sure he knew where to find them on the big night. Thanks Santa!

Team Fergmeijer joined an online astronomy club recently. At the last meeting some members got into a heated discussion about infinity; we thought it would never end. 

For the second time this year, The Recorder delivery has been delayed due to a glitch at the Sudbury loading docks. We’re sure it wasn’t the postal workers laughing so hard at the Team Fergmeijer column that they fell over and weren’t able to complete the loading. Pretty sure.   

Following in the footsteps of Team Fergmeijer’s regular reporting on the Kagawong goings-on, the Township of Billings is now publishing monthly newsletters! Head to the township website (billingstwp.ca) and click on “Administration” in the top menu bar to check it out! 

The person who invented the term insomnia missed a golden opportunity to call it resisting a rest. 

Tomorrow (Saturday) is the last day to get to the library to submit your guess to win the gorgeous Dig and Doug bird feeder. The winner will be the person who calculates closest to the actual number of candies in the jar (the person who guesses the second closest gets the candy). Tickets ($2 each or 3 for $5) are available at the library until 1pm on Saturday December 12th. 

Muffins spelled backwards is what we do when we take them out of the oven. 

Happy birthday goes out to Hailey F (one of our superfans, because she isn’t allowed NOT to be a fan). She’s not quite 29 in years yet, but she’s pretty close in terms of attitude and sass. 

If you walk backwards into the wind, is it a tailwind or a headwind?

On Saturday December 19th, the annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and onto the Internets! Hosts Mike and Jill will stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts (new, and possibly some classics, too), so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and join in)! Want to participate? Create a video and contact kagawong@live.ca and we will arrange to add it to our playlist. Tomorrow (Saturday, December 12) is the last day to submit a video! Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! As always, we like to pay it forward, so cash donations can be made to Manitoulin Family Resources in lieu of our usual non-perishable collection (www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9789). The Zoom link and login information will be posted to the Kagawong Facebook page and in this column next week. 

We finally did it. We got a horse! His name is Mayo and sometimes Mayo neighs. 

Even though the Christmas holidays are still a few weeks away, it’s never too early to start planning township outings! Don’t forget that the landfill will be closed Thursday, December 24th, and Thursday, December 31st; the library will be closed Thursday the 24th, Saturday the 26th, and Thursday the 31st; the town office will be closed from Thursday, December 24th until Friday, January 3rd, 2021. 

Last night, one half of Team Fergmeijer accidentally superglued her thumb and forefinger together. But don’t worry - it will be ok. Have a great week!

December 4, 2020

You better watch out, and you better not cry. You definitely better not pout, and Team Fergmeijer will tell you why... Santa Claus is coming to town! There will be a meet and greet with Santa himself tomorrow (Saturday, December 5th) from 5pm-6:30pm in the parking lot of the Kagawong Park Centre. Don’t forget to bring your letter for Santa! Did we mention there will be goodie bags for the kids?? COVID-19 safety protocols will be in effect. For more information, the township website (www.billingstwp.ca) or their Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/billingstownshipkagawong). Please note that the paint workshop scheduled for earlier in the day has been cancelled.

On behalf of all of our loyal readers, we would like to thank Merv Gilchrist for granting the township his expertise and leadership as the Billings fire chief for all these years. He is stepping down from the position, and  he leaves some big boots to be filled. The fire department is definitely the better for having had him at the helm. Thank you, Merv!

Following in the footsteps of Team Fergmeijer’s regular reporting on the Kagawong goings-on, the Township of Billings is now publishing monthly newsletters! Head to the township website (billingstwp.ca) and click on “Administration” in the top menu bar to check it out! 

The Kagawong Cenotaph board is partnering with the Legion in Little Current for “Operation Christmas Cheer” to send Christmas cards to our troops. Some complimentary cards are available at the post office while they last, or you can mail your own card to

“Any Canadian Forces Member

P.O. Box 5004 Stn Forces

Belleville, ON.   K8N 5W6”

No stamp required! Let them know that you appreciate their service. Deadline to drop off the Christmas card in the gift box at the post office is December 10.

Are you feeling smart(ie)? Pop by the library for a chance to win a fantastic Dig and Doug bird feeder, by guessing how many candies are in the jar on display. The contest will run for a limited time only - just one week to go! - and the winner will be the person who calculates closest to the actual number of candies in the jar. The person who guesses the second closest gets the candy! Tickets are $2 each or 3 for $5. Head to the library for more details and to make your best estimate. 

Happy 29th birthday to the president of the Team Fergmeijer fan club: Laurie Z. Ask her to show you her special ‘Kagawong Kurio Kabinet’ where she keeps all her favourite Fergmeijer momentos (including some locks of hair she may or may not have yanked from our heads as we were standing in line one day).

On Saturday December 19th, the annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and onto the Internets! Hosts Mike and Jill will stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts (new, and possibly some classics, too), so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and join in)! Want to participate? Create a video - funny, silly or campy are ideal, but we’ll take pretty much anything. Contact kagawong@live.ca and we will add it to our playlist. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! As always, we like to pay it forward, so cash donations can be made to Manitoulin Family Resources in lieu of our usual non-perishable collection (www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9789). 

Even though the Christmas holidays are still a few weeks away, it’s never too early to start planning township outings! Don’t forget that the landfill will be closed Thursday, December 24th, and Thursday, December 31st; the library will be closed Thursday the 24th, Saturday the 26th, and Thursday the 31st; the town office will be closed from Thursday, December 24th until Friday, January 3rd, 2021. 

Did you know? Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Have a great week!

November 27, 2020

This was a difficult week on our favourite Island, with the death of OPP Constable Marc Hovingh. He impacted many lives here. Our condolences to his family and friends. 

The Kagawong Cenotaph board is partnering with the Legion in Little Current for “Operation Christmas Cheer” to send Christmas cards to our troops.  Some complimentary cards are available at the post office while they last. Or you can mail your own card to

“Any Canadian Forces Member

P.O. Box 5004 Stn Forces

Belleville, ON.   K8N 5W6”

No stamp required! Let them know that you appreciate their service.  Deadline to drop off the Christmas card in the gift box at the post office is December 10.

 

This Saturday is your first chance to “guess how many candies are in the jar” for a chance to win a fantastic Dig and Doug bird feeder. It will run for a limited time - just two weeks, and the winner will be the person who calculates closest to the actual number of candies in the jar. The person who guesses the second closest gets the candy! Head to the library for more details and to make your best estimate. 

 

You better watch out, and you better not cry. You definitely better not pout, and Team Fergmeijer will tell you why... Santa Claus is coming to town! There will be a meet and greet with Santa himself Saturday, December 5th from 5pm-6:30pm in the parking lot of the Kagawong Park Centre. Don’t forget to bring your letter for Santa! Did we mention there will be goodie bags for the kids?? COVID-19 safety protocols will be in effect. For more information, the township website (www.billingstwp.ca) or their Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/billingstownshipkagawong) - you will also find information on a Christmas sign painting event on the same day!

Don’t forget, just because it’s cold doesn’t mean Fido can’t get some exercise! The Kagawong off-leash dog park is still open throughout the winter! Only two rules apply: never eat yellow snow, and don’t lick the fire hydrants (you won’t like the results of either one). FYI, those rules apply to dogs and humans equally. 

Know someone celebrating a birthday? Anniversary? Bar Mitzvah? Mortensaften? Drop us a line so we can embarrass, uh, celebrate them appropriately with a mention in this column!

On Saturday December 19th, the annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and onto the interwebs! Hosts Mike and Jill will stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts (new and possibly some classics, too), so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! Want to participate? Create a video - funny, silly or campy are ideal, but we’ll take pretty much anything. Contact kagawong@live.ca and we will add it to our playlist.  Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! As always, we like to pay it forward, so cash donations can be made to Manitoulin Family Resources in lieu of our usual non-perishable collection (www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9789). 

This year, through a secret source, we have obtained a list of rules that have been drawn up for the township staff’s Christmas party. As we understand it, they were drawn up following last year’s party, which was by all accounts spectacular. Here are some of the standout new rules:

1.  No nudity. 

2.  No more flaming shots (Randall is still recovering from the Canada Day debacle. He has made lots of friends in the burn ward but he wishes everyone to know the dangers of peer pressure)

3.  Santa Gladiator in the ring of swivel chairs will be swiftly dismantled if it pops up again this year.

4.  Don’t climb the tree

5.  Presents will be opened before the champagne to avoid all those pesky ‘honest opinions’ 

6.  All music will be Gaelic, church-y or otherwise pre-1995 Christmas songs. No Gwen Stefani.

7.  In the event of musical chairs breaking out, please see rule #1 

8.  Smile often, share in laughter, be kind to one another. 

9.  Don’t steal office supplies (you can do that any other time of the year dangit!)

10. Have a great week!

November 20, 2020

We at Team Fergmeijer are doing everything we can to stop the spread of COVID-19, but we have to admit, the lack of socialization is tough at times. We were discussing it the other day and decided we have been handling it pretty well. Not everyone in the house is so positive about it all and some are downright tired of hearing about pandemic this, and pandemic that. We pretty much always ignore the washing machine (it’s always putting its own spin on things), but the fridge has been acting distant and cold, and the sink is all, ‘the world’s going down the drain!” We suspect the iron was arguing that the situation isn’t that pressing, and don’t get us started on the vacuum telling us to just suck it up! The door knob had the nerve to tell us to get a grip and the curtains just wanted us to pull ourselves together. At least the fan is optimistic and thinks it will blow over soon. The toilet was pretty quiet through it all, but looked a bit flushed once everything was said and done. (Shout out to John B for passing along these gems!)

The library’s silent auction was a resounding success, but they still have one more trick up their sleeve. They will be launching a “guess how many candies are in the jar” contest next weekend. It will run for a limited time - just two weeks (mainly because the librarians can only be trusted so far with a jar of candy in front of them). The winner will be the person who guesses closest to the actual number of candies in the jar BEFORE the librarians started snacking, and they’ll take home a great gift donated by Dig and Doug Cedar Furniture. The person who guesses the second closest gets the jelly beans! Head to the library next weekend for more details and to make your best estimate. 

Keep an eye out for the Kagawong Gobble Brigade over the weekend. Deer season is traditionally when the KGB tends to make their presence known in town in a big way. They are pretty much guaranteed to be strutting around town, partying all night and stirring up trouble. They especially like it when they can put away their camo outfits and break out the neon orange and pink for a change. 

Know someone celebrating a birthday? Anniversary? Bar Mitzvah? Mortensaften? Drop us a line so we can embarrass, uh, celebrate them appropriately with a mention in this column!

The annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and online! Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! We need more acts to round out the show (otherwise it’s just Jill and Mike with a lot of bad puns). If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

Team Fergmeijer doesn’t really care for rifle season, but we went bow hunting once. It wasn’t very hard. We found most of them on top of our Christmas presents. Have a great week!

November 13, 2020

Mother Nature is either more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles, or a cruel temptress, what with those wonderfully warm temperatures this past week. We hope you had a chance to get out and enjoy some time in the sun last weekend! 

Long-time Kagawongian Doris T reminded us (indirectly), that it was this time last year that a certain local farmer tested the integrity of the rock cut on the Bay hill. He has assured us (and Floyd) that his inspections won’t have to be repeated until at least next year. 

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Friends of Billings Library silent auction! This was the first year the auction moved online, and the turnout was tremendous! Congratulations to all the high-bidders, and thank you again to everyone that made donations! Nearly $1800 was raised to help support the library. 

Earlier this week, donations of slightly used clean boots, coats, hats, mittens and scarves were dropped off at the United Church Hall in Gore Bay. If you are in need of any winter supplies, stop by the United Church Hall tomorrow (Saturday, November 14) from 9-12 to shop for free. Everything must go! Covid rules apply. Contact Barbara Barfoot (705 282 2694   barbara@timberstone.com) for more information.

 

Rifle season is just around the corner! Typically, Team Fergmeijer trades in wearing bows for shooting them, but this year, we were told to upgrade to a hunting rifle if we wanted to get the biggest bang for our buck. Who are we to say no? Speaking of deer, did you know? White-tailed deer can jump higher than the average house! This is due to the deer’s powerful hind end, and to the fact that the average house can’t jump. 

Happiest of birthdays goes out to Mary B, who we know will be celebrating her 29th in style! Happy birthday also to Nora U who is turning neunudzwanzig and making it look good!

Organizers of the annual Kagawong Christmas concert are moving the event out of the Park Centre and online. Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

What do you call a blind buck? No ideer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no ideer. Have a great week!

November 6, 2020

We’ve always liked that song, “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” but at the moment, Kagawong has a troubled bridge. Over running water. Along the river (truly not our best work on this one, apologies). Seriously though, the blue bridge along the river trail has some structural issues (one might say that its stability is un-truss-worthy) and is off-limits for the time being. The township is looking into it and we are confident it will be up and open in time for it to be impassable due to all the snow and ice heading our way. 

One of Team Fergmeijer’s fans loved last week’s Halloween puns so much, she sent in one of her own! Thanks, MS! What do you call six witches in a jacuzzi? A self cleaning coven.

The Friends of Billings Library are holding their annual silent auction online this year! Have you bid on your favourite items? There’s no time to waste! Bids close at 4pm today (Friday)! Items are listed on the Facebook group “Friends of Billings Library Silent Auction” - place your bid by commenting an amount on the item’s post. Auction winners will be contacted after the auction closes. For more information visit the Facebook group or email the library (billingslibrary@vianet.ca). 

Biggest birthday wishes go out to Jody K who celebrates this week. If we could see inside her, we’re sure we would see 29 rings making up her centre. Susan W also celebrated this week - happiest of happy birthdays go out to her. For some people, birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot: you really want to see him, but are afraid of what he’ll look like. Rachel M (TCO) won’t have that problem as she turns 29 on Monday!

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself. 

Today is the last day to submit art for the Waste Reduction Week art contest! The contest theme is “The Zero Net Future.” All art media accepted. Submit a painting, drawing, photograph, sculpture or collage with a note that shows how your art meets the theme of what the future will look like to you once we reduce/capture our greenhouse gas emissions and reach net zero. Email your submission to Kim Neale at centralcc@eastlink.ca.

Sadly, due to COVID-19 restrictions, the Kagawong Cenotaph Board regrettably cannot safely hold a formal Remembrance Day service this year. But sure to thank a veteran leading up to November 11th, and take a moment of silence in remembrance. 

Organizers of the annual Kagawong Christmas concert are moving the event out of the Park Centre and online. Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

It’s been a year since (alleged) local genetic masterminds (allegedly) began their (alleged) grand scheme to create (alleged) alponkey hybrids. We have yet to spot the results of their (alleged) efforts, but they should know that we haven’t forgotten!  

Right after Halloween, Team Fergmeijer created a new startup company to destroy all vampires. We’re currently looking for investors, but for now, we’re the main stakeholders. Have a great week!

October 30, 2020

Howl have you all been doing? It’s been a bit wet and dreary lately, but nothing lifts our spirits like some Halloween puns (you can’t skele-run from our skele-puns)! We know, we know, those of you who are bone to be wild are making plans to eat, drink, and be scary (hey, if you got it, haunt it!), but don’t feel that you are a lazy bones if you decide to skip the dancing and boos to stay in this year. Especially if you are sneezing and coffin a bit; better to be safe than sorry. Either way, life is gourd this time of year!

Big 29th birthday wishes go out to Gail L, living proof that good things come in small packages! 

This is it… the weekend Team Fergmeijer (and all wannabe time travellers) has been waiting all year for. Time to have our clocks “fall back” for an extra hour of sleep! Don’t forget to change your clocks back one hour on Sunday. Check your smoke alarm batteries while you’re resetting all the clocks, too!

Thank you to everyone who organized and took part in the various Waste Reduction Week activities last week! There was a good turnout for the community garage sale and swap meet, and submissions are still being accepted for the art contest. The contest theme is “The Zero Net Future.” All art media accepted. Submit a painting, drawing, photograph, sculpture or collage with a note that shows how your art meets the theme of what the future will look like to you once we reduce/capture our greenhouse gas emissions and reach net zero. Submissions will be collected until November 6 - they can be dropped off at the town office, or emailed to Kim Neale at centralcc@eastlink.ca.

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and an owl? Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!

The FOBL auction is about to start! The Friends of Billings Library are holding their annual silent auction online this year! Items will be listed on the Facebook group “Friends of Billings Library Silent Auction” this Sunday, November 1st at 9am. Place your bid by commenting an amount on the item’s post (rounded up to the nearest dollar, please). Highest bid at 4pm on November 6th wins! Auction winners can pick up their items at the Billings Library during regular library hours (Tues & Thurs 4-7pm; Sat 10-1pm). For more information visit the Facebook group or email the library (billingslibrary@vianet.ca). 

Community events have looked very different during this time of COVID, and the much anticipated annual Kagawong community Christmas concert is no exception. Stay tuned for exciting news about the new format this year!

Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don’t forget to save room for “I scream!" Have a great week!

October 23, 2020

We are in the waning weeks of 2020, and Team Fergmeijer has been struggling lately, and having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. A self-help book suggested we switch to a diet of yeast and car wax. We hope to be able to rise and shine again soon.

Happy 29th birthday to Rachel B who will turn 29 this weekend. We hope this hard-working lady packs up Pat and the pup and heads for her happy place to celebrate! Meranda N is also celebrating this week. Not quite 29, but closing in on it! And although her youngun is still needing a lot of attention these days, we hope she gets a bit of down time to celebrate. Maybe send Paisley to grandma’s for a sleepover! 

Set the alarm a little early tomorrow and get that coffee made - there’s an Island-wide power outage tomorrow (Saturday, October 24) from 8am until 2pm. Stay warm! Maybe stay in and read during the power outage. We’re half-way through a scary novel in braille and can’t wait to have time to get back to it. Something bad is about to happen, we can feel it.

Remember euchre? Here’s a flashback to the results from a tournament this time last year. Results for the night were: High score 74 Doris & Elva; Second 72 Mike & Susan; Third 69 Karen & Myra; Fourth 68 Fred & Jim; Most lone hands (4 way tie) 5 Kal & Lilly; Low score 58 (2 way tie) Bill & Brad and Donna & Eva; Special prize Myra. Ah, the memories! We’re pretty sure games haven’t started up again, but given our past history, there well *could* still be euchre tournaments going on, and they just haven’t sent us the results. 

Waste Reduction Week is this week (October 19-25), and the townships of Billings and Central Manitoulin came together to host several virtual panel discussions, as well as an art contest and a swap meet!

The art contest theme is “The Zero Net Future.” All art media accepted. Submit a painting, drawing, photograph, sculpture or collage that shows what the future will look like to you once we reduce/capture our greenhouse gas emissions and reach net zero. Art submissions will be collected until November 6.

Tomorrow (Saturday, October 24) is the community garage sale and swap meet at the Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am - 1pm. Stop by and pick up some great new finds!

The Friends of Billings Library (FOBL) are holding their annual silent auction online this year! This innovative approach will help keep FOBL members and bidders safe. Items will be listed on the Facebook group “Friends of Billings Library Silent Auction” by the November 1st kick off. Each item will have a post in the group, and you can place your bid by commenting on the item’s post. Highest bid at 4pm on November 6th wins! For more information visit the Facebook group or email the library (billingslibrary@vianet.ca). gravel loads and fantastic art work.

Billings and Central Manitoulin Townships have received a substantial grant from Digital Main Street, Ontario, for a Digital Service Squad (DSS) to help small downtown businesses use digital technologies to adapt to a rapidly changing environment. Stay tuned for more details; the squad will begin visiting small businesses in Mindemoya, Providence Bay, Kagawong and area this fall.

Does it feel like the Coronavirus has ruined all your plans for 2020? Don’t give up - save them for 2022! ‘Cause 2022 is 2020, too. Have a great week!

October 16, 2020

We hope you had a fantastic, and safe, long weekend. Team Fergmeijer managed a dinner with family and friends, all properly social distanced. We made sure we kept at least 4 pies and 2 cans of whipped cream between one another. Needless to say, the after-dinner turkey coma was spectacular. The best part of turkey dinner is of course the leftovers. We’ve had them for every meal since Saturday night, and we’d like to cut back, but it’s tough to stop cold turkey. Every time we felt we were too full to move, the pumpkin cheesecake would start whispering in our ears, “if no one sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories…” Luckily, we were careful to balance all our overeating with dedicated under exercising. 

Happy 29th birthday to one of our most loyal fans in the metropolis of Toronto, Jef T, who is celebrating today! May your guitars be plenty, your facebugs be few, and long may you pop the clutch and cruise downhill.

Christmas in Kagawong this past weekend (typically held in November) was a resounding success! Early Christmas revellers came from near and from far to scoop up deals and get a head start on Christmas shopping. In the process, Billings township set a new record for high temperature for the event! The record will no doubt stand for several years until climate change makes November the new October.

The Friends of Billings Library (FOBL) are holding their annual silent auction online this year! This innovative approach will help keep FOBL members and bidders safe. Items will be listed on the Facebook group “Friends of Billings Library Silent Auction” in the lead up to the November 1st kick off. Each item will have a post in the group, and you can place your bid by commenting on the item’s post. Highest bid at 4pm on November 6th wins! For more information visit the Facebook group or email the library (billingslibrary@vianet.ca).

Waste Reduction Week is coming up (October 19-25), and the townships of Billings and Central Manitoulin are coming together to plan a week’s worth of activities, culminating in a community garage sale and swap meet Saturday, October 24 at the Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong. Stay tuned for more details!

Quick tip for cooking a big dinner - a lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is to not form an emotional bond. 

Billings and Central Manitoulin Townships have received a substantial grant from Digital Main Street, Ontario, for a Digital Service Squad (DSS) to help small downtown businesses use digital technologies to adapt to a rapidly changing environment. Stay tuned for more details; the squad will begin visiting small businesses in Mindemoya, Providence Bay, Kagawong and area this fall.

We’ve been watching a lot of television lately. Last night on Dancing with the Tzars, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible. Have a great week!

October 9, 2020

Team Fergmeijer has been spending the recent cooler weather inside, catching up on history documentaries on television. We are particular fans of ancient Rome. We don’t want to ruin your illusions, but while people tend to think of that region as being very Rome-antic, in ancient times, there were four common kinds of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of swiftness; poison IV would just make you really itchy. There was at least one political leader who had a Nero miss with those poisons. 

We had a fan of the column write to us the other day. Being familiar with our love of all things Roman, she asked for help, writing, “I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I'M LIVID!” We did our best to help her out. To be honest, we struggle with Roman numerals up to 159. After that, it just CLIX. (Please accept our Apollo-gies for all the Rome puns. We know it’s Thanksgiving weekend, but we just couldn’t resist.) 

Congratulations to Mary Buie for raising over $1000 for the CIBC Run for the Cure, in support of breast cancer research and outreach! Not only was Mary the third-highest fundraiser for the Sudbury area, which in itself is a huge accomplishment, but she also crushed the 5km walking distance on Sunday despite the cold and rainy weather. You can still donate to her campaign right up to December 31 - visit http://cibcrunforthecure.ca/ and click “Donate” to search for Mary’s name!

Team Fergmeijer thought it might be fun to teach one of the youngest members of the KGB (Kagawong Gobble Brigade - our local flock of wild turkeys) to talk. We even got so far as getting him to say some witty ripostes, but it did not turn out the way we expected. Now we have a turkey that roasts us. 

 

Happy birthday to the eldest Fergmeijer brother who celebrated on Wednesday. A Kagawongian born and raised, he spends most of his time on the east end of the Island these days. We’ve decided to allow it, but we can’t say for sure how old he’s turned now. They do things weird on the east end. Whatever age he is now, we hope he celebrated it with gusto! 

Snort snort snort! Grab your reindeer antlers, sleighbells, and elf hats, and tap tap tap your way to Christmas in Kagawong tomorrow! Team Fergmeijer is super hopeful that Santa (Ho Ho Ho!) will show up and jingle jingle jingle his change purse, buying up all sorts of goodies for Mrs. Claus and the elves. Don’t miss out! Stop by the market grounds at The Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am to 3pm, and get a festive jump on the Christmas season! Shoppers must keep one Blitzen apart from other shoppers, and face masks must be worn, please.

Team Fergmeijer got kicked off the Kagawong River trail to the falls last week, after we were seen arranging squirrels by height. Apparently the township didn’t like us critter sizing. 

Waste Reduction Week is coming up (October 19-25), and the townships of Billings and Central Manitoulin are coming together to plan a week’s worth of activities, culminating in a community garage sale and swap meet Saturday, October 24 at the Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong. Stay tuned for more details!

Sometimes the Thanksgiving turkey turns out dry, which just goes to show that there’s no accounting for bastes. Have a great week!

October 2, 2020

Have you noticed a change in the air? Noticed things seem to be quieting down in town, and just a bit less energetic than usual? It’s not the change of the season, it’s the loss of MBB and Susie! We bid a bittersweet farewell to the dynamic duo as they set out to make their fortunes out west. They will be sorely missed, but we wish them well. 

The 4e Bee Mobile Studio Tour launched last Saturday here in Kagawong and was a rousing success! Many kids of all ages, including Mike Mantha and Carol Hughes, tried their hands at the crafts and everyone was enthralled with the music. This weekend you can follow the Bee to Providence Bay. From 11am - 3pm join artist Sharon Preen and musician Jenna Maisonneuve on the beach, and take home your very own craft. 

 

There was a brief power outage not long ago. We aren’t sure, but it might be related to an incident with a friend of ours. Her son was caught chewing electrical cords and she had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and since then has been conducting himself properly. Shockingly, he’s shown no resistance to the grounding!

 

The happiest of happy birthday wishes goes out to John B, who turned 29 last week. We are confident he celebrated in style.

Once again, as the unstoppable force that she is, Kagawongian Mary Buie is raising money for the CIBC Run for the Cure, in support of breast cancer research and outreach. A breast cancer survivor, and no stranger to long distance walking, Mary is planning on walking 5 km as part of this year’s virtual event (taking place October 4), quite likely sporting bright pink in doing so. Mary has already raised $1000, but it’s not too late to support her. Visit http://cibcrunforthecure.ca/ and click “Donate” to search for Mary’s name and donate to her campaign!

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight, unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions. 

These are the days of our lives…. Harvest Glory Days that is! Help Kagawong out by decorating our community in the spirit of the harvest! Homes, businesses, halls, churches, parks, town office, farm gates, goats, lighthouses, giant backhoes, and mailboxes can all be decorated to put us in the running for a fabulous community spirit sign. Check out the Expositor for more details. 

Team Fergmeijer went to the hardware store the other day and asked if we could get an escalator for the house. All we got were some funny stares. (We love this joke because it works on so many levels!)

The countdown to Christmas has started! To Christmas in Kagawong, anyway. It’s only a week away! Grab your Santa’s hat and sleigh bells, and join us on October 10th at the market grounds at The Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am to 3pm. Potential vendors should contact Councillor Sharon Alkenbrack, Chair of the Billings Economic Development Committee, if interested at (705) 282-0193.

This last one is dedicated to superfans Mike and Susie: A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a typo.” Have a great week!