November 27, 2020

This was a difficult week on our favourite Island, with the death of OPP Constable Marc Hovingh. He impacted many lives here. Our condolences to his family and friends. 

The Kagawong Cenotaph board is partnering with the Legion in Little Current for “Operation Christmas Cheer” to send Christmas cards to our troops.  Some complimentary cards are available at the post office while they last. Or you can mail your own card to

“Any Canadian Forces Member

P.O. Box 5004 Stn Forces

Belleville, ON.   K8N 5W6”

No stamp required! Let them know that you appreciate their service.  Deadline to drop off the Christmas card in the gift box at the post office is December 10.

 

This Saturday is your first chance to “guess how many candies are in the jar” for a chance to win a fantastic Dig and Doug bird feeder. It will run for a limited time - just two weeks, and the winner will be the person who calculates closest to the actual number of candies in the jar. The person who guesses the second closest gets the candy! Head to the library for more details and to make your best estimate. 

 

You better watch out, and you better not cry. You definitely better not pout, and Team Fergmeijer will tell you why... Santa Claus is coming to town! There will be a meet and greet with Santa himself Saturday, December 5th from 5pm-6:30pm in the parking lot of the Kagawong Park Centre. Don’t forget to bring your letter for Santa! Did we mention there will be goodie bags for the kids?? COVID-19 safety protocols will be in effect. For more information, the township website (www.billingstwp.ca) or their Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/billingstownshipkagawong) - you will also find information on a Christmas sign painting event on the same day!

Don’t forget, just because it’s cold doesn’t mean Fido can’t get some exercise! The Kagawong off-leash dog park is still open throughout the winter! Only two rules apply: never eat yellow snow, and don’t lick the fire hydrants (you won’t like the results of either one). FYI, those rules apply to dogs and humans equally. 

Know someone celebrating a birthday? Anniversary? Bar Mitzvah? Mortensaften? Drop us a line so we can embarrass, uh, celebrate them appropriately with a mention in this column!

On Saturday December 19th, the annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and onto the interwebs! Hosts Mike and Jill will stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts (new and possibly some classics, too), so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! Want to participate? Create a video - funny, silly or campy are ideal, but we’ll take pretty much anything. Contact kagawong@live.ca and we will add it to our playlist.  Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! As always, we like to pay it forward, so cash donations can be made to Manitoulin Family Resources in lieu of our usual non-perishable collection (www.canadahelps.org/en/dn/9789). 

This year, through a secret source, we have obtained a list of rules that have been drawn up for the township staff’s Christmas party. As we understand it, they were drawn up following last year’s party, which was by all accounts spectacular. Here are some of the standout new rules:

1.  No nudity. 

2.  No more flaming shots (Randall is still recovering from the Canada Day debacle. He has made lots of friends in the burn ward but he wishes everyone to know the dangers of peer pressure)

3.  Santa Gladiator in the ring of swivel chairs will be swiftly dismantled if it pops up again this year.

4.  Don’t climb the tree

5.  Presents will be opened before the champagne to avoid all those pesky ‘honest opinions’ 

6.  All music will be Gaelic, church-y or otherwise pre-1995 Christmas songs. No Gwen Stefani.

7.  In the event of musical chairs breaking out, please see rule #1 

8.  Smile often, share in laughter, be kind to one another. 

9.  Don’t steal office supplies (you can do that any other time of the year dangit!)

10. Have a great week!

November 20, 2020

We at Team Fergmeijer are doing everything we can to stop the spread of COVID-19, but we have to admit, the lack of socialization is tough at times. We were discussing it the other day and decided we have been handling it pretty well. Not everyone in the house is so positive about it all and some are downright tired of hearing about pandemic this, and pandemic that. We pretty much always ignore the washing machine (it’s always putting its own spin on things), but the fridge has been acting distant and cold, and the sink is all, ‘the world’s going down the drain!” We suspect the iron was arguing that the situation isn’t that pressing, and don’t get us started on the vacuum telling us to just suck it up! The door knob had the nerve to tell us to get a grip and the curtains just wanted us to pull ourselves together. At least the fan is optimistic and thinks it will blow over soon. The toilet was pretty quiet through it all, but looked a bit flushed once everything was said and done. (Shout out to John B for passing along these gems!)

The library’s silent auction was a resounding success, but they still have one more trick up their sleeve. They will be launching a “guess how many candies are in the jar” contest next weekend. It will run for a limited time - just two weeks (mainly because the librarians can only be trusted so far with a jar of candy in front of them). The winner will be the person who guesses closest to the actual number of candies in the jar BEFORE the librarians started snacking, and they’ll take home a great gift donated by Dig and Doug Cedar Furniture. The person who guesses the second closest gets the jelly beans! Head to the library next weekend for more details and to make your best estimate. 

Keep an eye out for the Kagawong Gobble Brigade over the weekend. Deer season is traditionally when the KGB tends to make their presence known in town in a big way. They are pretty much guaranteed to be strutting around town, partying all night and stirring up trouble. They especially like it when they can put away their camo outfits and break out the neon orange and pink for a change. 

Know someone celebrating a birthday? Anniversary? Bar Mitzvah? Mortensaften? Drop us a line so we can embarrass, uh, celebrate them appropriately with a mention in this column!

The annual Kagawong Christmas concert is moving out of the Park Centre and online! Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! We need more acts to round out the show (otherwise it’s just Jill and Mike with a lot of bad puns). If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

Team Fergmeijer doesn’t really care for rifle season, but we went bow hunting once. It wasn’t very hard. We found most of them on top of our Christmas presents. Have a great week!

November 13, 2020

Mother Nature is either more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles, or a cruel temptress, what with those wonderfully warm temperatures this past week. We hope you had a chance to get out and enjoy some time in the sun last weekend! 

Long-time Kagawongian Doris T reminded us (indirectly), that it was this time last year that a certain local farmer tested the integrity of the rock cut on the Bay hill. He has assured us (and Floyd) that his inspections won’t have to be repeated until at least next year. 

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Friends of Billings Library silent auction! This was the first year the auction moved online, and the turnout was tremendous! Congratulations to all the high-bidders, and thank you again to everyone that made donations! Nearly $1800 was raised to help support the library. 

Earlier this week, donations of slightly used clean boots, coats, hats, mittens and scarves were dropped off at the United Church Hall in Gore Bay. If you are in need of any winter supplies, stop by the United Church Hall tomorrow (Saturday, November 14) from 9-12 to shop for free. Everything must go! Covid rules apply. Contact Barbara Barfoot (705 282 2694   barbara@timberstone.com) for more information.

 

Rifle season is just around the corner! Typically, Team Fergmeijer trades in wearing bows for shooting them, but this year, we were told to upgrade to a hunting rifle if we wanted to get the biggest bang for our buck. Who are we to say no? Speaking of deer, did you know? White-tailed deer can jump higher than the average house! This is due to the deer’s powerful hind end, and to the fact that the average house can’t jump. 

Happiest of birthdays goes out to Mary B, who we know will be celebrating her 29th in style! Happy birthday also to Nora U who is turning neunudzwanzig and making it look good!

Organizers of the annual Kagawong Christmas concert are moving the event out of the Park Centre and online. Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

What do you call a blind buck? No ideer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no ideer. Have a great week!

November 6, 2020

We’ve always liked that song, “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” but at the moment, Kagawong has a troubled bridge. Over running water. Along the river (truly not our best work on this one, apologies). Seriously though, the blue bridge along the river trail has some structural issues (one might say that its stability is un-truss-worthy) and is off-limits for the time being. The township is looking into it and we are confident it will be up and open in time for it to be impassable due to all the snow and ice heading our way. 

One of Team Fergmeijer’s fans loved last week’s Halloween puns so much, she sent in one of her own! Thanks, MS! What do you call six witches in a jacuzzi? A self cleaning coven.

The Friends of Billings Library are holding their annual silent auction online this year! Have you bid on your favourite items? There’s no time to waste! Bids close at 4pm today (Friday)! Items are listed on the Facebook group “Friends of Billings Library Silent Auction” - place your bid by commenting an amount on the item’s post. Auction winners will be contacted after the auction closes. For more information visit the Facebook group or email the library (billingslibrary@vianet.ca). 

Biggest birthday wishes go out to Jody K who celebrates this week. If we could see inside her, we’re sure we would see 29 rings making up her centre. Susan W also celebrated this week - happiest of happy birthdays go out to her. For some people, birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot: you really want to see him, but are afraid of what he’ll look like. Rachel M (TCO) won’t have that problem as she turns 29 on Monday!

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself. 

Today is the last day to submit art for the Waste Reduction Week art contest! The contest theme is “The Zero Net Future.” All art media accepted. Submit a painting, drawing, photograph, sculpture or collage with a note that shows how your art meets the theme of what the future will look like to you once we reduce/capture our greenhouse gas emissions and reach net zero. Email your submission to Kim Neale at centralcc@eastlink.ca.

Sadly, due to COVID-19 restrictions, the Kagawong Cenotaph Board regrettably cannot safely hold a formal Remembrance Day service this year. But sure to thank a veteran leading up to November 11th, and take a moment of silence in remembrance. 

Organizers of the annual Kagawong Christmas concert are moving the event out of the Park Centre and online. Hosts will live-stream the concert, presenting pre-recorded acts, so that Kagawongians near and far will be able to watch (and participate)! If you do magic, sing, dance, act, recite, juggle, sword swallow, or have any other “talent” you would be willing to share, create a video (keep it around 5 minutes) and submit it to kagawong@live.ca. Not sure how to create a video? Email and the organizers will help make it happen! Check out the Kagawong facebook page for more details. 

It’s been a year since (alleged) local genetic masterminds (allegedly) began their (alleged) grand scheme to create (alleged) alponkey hybrids. We have yet to spot the results of their (alleged) efforts, but they should know that we haven’t forgotten!  

Right after Halloween, Team Fergmeijer created a new startup company to destroy all vampires. We’re currently looking for investors, but for now, we’re the main stakeholders. Have a great week!