August 30, 2019

Before we get started, you know the school puns are coming. It won’t be that bad. Not all school puns are terrible, just sum. We think math puns in particular are a sine of good taste. 

Only a few days left until the official start of the school year! There is a PA day on Tuesday, Sept. 3, and the first day of classes is Wednesday, Sept. 4. Be aware of children on the way to and from school, and please respect the school buses when out and about on the roads. Parents, try not to smile TOO broadly as the kiddos get back on the bus.

As of the writing of this column, the main beach at Kagawong has re-opened for swimming! Testing is ongoing to make sure the beach is within acceptable bacteriological water quality standards. Please obey any posted signs at the beach.

A teacher friend of ours was telling us about a student who limped into her class 15 minutes late. She asked him why he was late and he had some lame excuse. 

Plenty of birthdays to celebrate this week! Many happy returns go out to Diane L (get well wishes to out to Diane as well!). Our most enthusiastic best wishes go out to Susan S. She has been putting in the miles lately, but we assume, wherever she is, she’ll be turning 29. Amanda C is a Kagawongian by birth, and we wish her a very happy 29th this weekend. Last, but not least is Amy H. She’s not technically a Kagawongian, but deep down, she wishes she was so happy 29th to you!

Did you hear about the teacher who was able to type on two keyboards at once? He got fired for stereotyping.

Mark it on your calendar - the Elemental Festival is back with a fabulous lineup of entertainers for the fall of 2019! Musicians Sean Ashby, Ansley Simpson and local favourite, Fagroongala will be performing over the weekend of September 26th-30th. Rumour has it some local musicians will be performing as well! For more information and ticket information go online to www.4elementslivingarts.org

It’s sad but true… the Kagawong market is finished again for another year. Thank you to all the vendors and to everyone who visited on Wednesdays throughout the summer, and an extra special thank you to Ethel for heading up the organizing each week. You might see many of your favourite vendors at special markets between now and Christmas… stay tuned!

When we were in school, we had a teacher confiscate a rubber band pistol we’d made during algebra. She said it was a weapon of math disruption. 

Baseball is still on, every Sunday at 7pm in Ice Lake. Bring a glove and a competitive nature!

The Old Mill Heritage Centre 10th anniversary BBQ was a crush! The burgers and cake disappeared like word limits in a Team Fergmeijer column. Thanks to all the staff and organizers, and thanks to all of you - the supporters of our fabulous heritage centre!

The Billings Rebranding Committee is looking for a creative, exciting logo to go with our new slogan: Come Experience Billings… Exceptional Think you have a design that will showcase our amazing township and complement our new slogan? Submit your design for consideration - you might win $500! Deadline for submissions is October 31, 2019. Submit your design to Todd Gordon at the town office, or by email: tgordon@billingstwp.ca 

To the many students starting school on Wednesday, remember - stay hydrated and eat well on the first day. You don’t want to get woozy and pass out in class; you might go down in history. Have a great week!

August 23, 2019

Fun fact about Team Fergmeijer: if you ever see us staring off into the distance, looking like we are having deep thoughts, odds are good we’re just thinking about what we’re going to have for lunch. With that in mind, we present to you, the ‘deep thoughts’ edition of the column. 

As of the writing of this column, the main beach at Kagawong has re-opened for swimming! Testing is ongoing to make sure the beach is within acceptable bacteriological water quality standards. Please obey any posted signs at the beach.

If oil is made from decomposing dinosaurs, and plastic is made from oil, does that mean plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs?

Happy 29th birthday to Team Fergmeijer’s favourite Manitoulin Mom, Linda F. Happy birthday also to young master Theijsmeijer - hope you have a great day!

Mark it on your calendar - the Elemental Festival is back with a fabulous lineup of entertainers for the fall of 2019! Musicians Sean Ashby, Ansley Simpson and local favourite, Fagroongala will be performing over the weekend of September 26th-30th. Rumour has it some local musicians will be performing as well! For more information and ticket information go online to www.4elementslivingarts.org

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become the vacuum cleaner.

Only one more week to get your farm veggies, fresh baking, local goods, and beautiful crafts at the Kagawong market this summer! Be sure to stop by the Market Pavillion Wednesday from 10am - 3pm to check out the wares, and even pick up a BBQ lunch! 

Don’t forget about baseball every Sunday at 7pm in Ice Lake. Bring a glove and a competitive nature!

Cheese is just a loaf of milk.

Students - cover your ears! Parents - rejoice! School startup is just around the corner. Registration and timetable pickup at Manitoulin Secondary will be August 28-30 from 9am to 3pm each day. The annual grade 9 BBQ has been postponed due to ongoing construction at the school - stay tuned for details on other orientation activities!

Come out and celebrate! The Old Mill Heritage Centre is celebrating their 10th anniversary tomorrow (Saturday, August 24) with a BBQ from 11am - 3pm in the Kagawong market pavilion. Music provided by Paul Best. See you there!

Brushing your teeth is basically cleaning your skeleton.

The Billings Rebranding Committee is looking for a creative, exciting logo to go with our new slogan: Come Experience Billings… Exceptional Think you have a design that will showcase our amazing township and complement our new slogan? Submit your design for consideration - you might win $500! Deadline for submissions is October 31, 2019. Submit your design to Todd Gordon at the town office, or by email: tgordon@billingstwp.ca 

They say the early bird gets the worm, but that means the early worm gets eaten. How do you know which you are going to be? Probably best to just roll over and get that extra 30 minutes sleep. Have a great week!

August 16, 2019

Summer is a great time to get through that pile of books you’ve been meaning to read all year. If you need some suggestions, don’t forget to pop in to see Emily at the library. She’ll get you set up. Team Fergmeijer just read the entire book of Genesis. To be honest, it was a bit of a disappointment. Not a single mention of Phil Collins. 

As of the writing of this column, the main beach at Kagawong is closed for swimming due to exceeding acceptable bacteriological water quality standards. Please obey the posted signs at the beach - they will be removed when it is safe for swimming again.

Happy 29th birthday to Bonnie F. Does anyone know if this is the point at which you are told to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police? 

We were given a beehive as a gift last week. We went to the store and asked for a dozen bees to put in it. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen bees and gave them to us. We told him that he’d given us one too many. He said, “One’s a freebie.”

One of Kagawong’s favourite authors, Bonnie Kogos, has published a new book: “The Boat that Brings You Home.” She will host a book party at the Kagawong Park Centre on Sunday, August 18 - be sure to stop in and pick up a copy!

Mark it on your calendar - the Elemental Festival is back with a fabulous lineup of entertainers for the fall of 2019! Musicians Sean Ashby, Ansley Simpson and local favourite, Fagroongala will be performing over the weekend of September 26th-30th. Rumour has it some local musicians will be performing as well! For more information and ticket information go online to www.4elementslivingarts.org

According to Greek mythology, Chiron was half horse, half human doctor. He was the centaur for disease control. We assume he was a strong supporter of herd immunization for keeping the population in stable condition. 

Only a few more weeks to get your farm veggies, fresh baking, local goods, and beautiful crafts at the Kagawong market this summer! Be sure to stop by the Market Pavillion Wednesdays from 10am - 3pm to check out the wares, and even pick up a BBQ lunch! You never know what you are going to find at the market. This past Wednesday, lucky shoppers got the chance to enjoy wild blueberry sundaes AND support the Angel Bus initiative at the same time!

Lord Mayor Ian Anderson met and surpassed all possible expectations of the lively crowd that gathered to celebrate the ‘crowning’ of Mary Buie as Billings Township’s 2019 Citizen of the Year. There were laughs, shared stories and cake galore! Congratulations Mary - it’s a well-earned award!

The next Euchre tournament is Wednesday, August 21, 7:30pm at the Kagawong Park Centre. Everyone welcome!

Don’t forget about baseball every Sunday at 7pm in Ice Lake. Bring a glove and a competitive nature!

A friend of Team Fergmeijer was telling us that her significant other bought her flowers, but they were a little rough looking. When she mentioned it to him, he said they were Dahlias. She showed us a picture of them. We’re not surprised Dahlia didn’t want them either. Have a great week!

August 9, 2019

It’s August! Which means the dog days of summer are upon us. Speaking of, a friend told us that he threw a ball from the top of Graham’s hill all the way to the Old Mill and his dog chased it down and brought it back to him. He swore it was the truth, but it sounds a bit far fetched to us.

Happy 29th birthdays go out to Lisa H and Meg M. Both are incredible women and we wanted to send something awesome to you on your birthday. Unfortunately, Mike at the post office said that it didn’t matter how many stamps we stuck on our faces, he still couldn’t send us through regular mail. (And who has the money for express post?!) Since we are talking birthdays, it just so happens that this is Team Fergmeijer’s FOURTH COLUMN-VERSARY! Thanks to all our readers (and newspaper editorial staff) who have put up with our nonsense week after week for four long years!

The Heritage Centre hosted their annual History Day in Kagawong on Thursday and it was another huge success! Many of the attendees also made their way down to the Blueberry social in support of the Angel Bus. Thank you to all the supporters of both organizations. 

Have you seen that new movie with the Dachshund in it? Apparently it’s an Oscar weiner. 

An annual gathering of a different sort occurred two weeks ago when the annual migration of Buies took place. Jen, Neil and Rob, along with their assorted spouses and children descended on the Island for a week of visiting, fun and frolic with family and friends.  Buies, Lawrences, Cichons, Fergusons, Coomes, Dekuypers, Kings, and Wards, oh my!

What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.

If you’ve been wandering around downtown, you may have noticed the newest addition to the game pad area. New (regular sized) chessboards were installed with seating for the competitors. Super geeky fun for all!

We want to extend our sympathies to the family of Evie Bailey, who passed away this week. She was a pretty constant figure in the lives of a lot of people over the years in Billings and left an impression on everyone she met. 

One of Kagawong’s favourite authors, Bonnie Kogos, has published a new book: “The Boat that Brings You Home.” She will host a book party at the Kagawong Park Centre on Sunday, August 18 - be sure to stop in and pick up a copy!

Some of these dog puns are pretty bad, we know, but we’re trying not to terrier selves up about it. We’ve decided that a life without puns is ruff. 

Mark it on your calendar - the Elemental Festival is back with a fabulous lineup of entertainers for the fall of 2019! Musicians Sean Ashby, Ansley Simpson and local favourite, Fagroongala will be performing over the weekend of September 26th-30th. Rumour has it some local musicians will be performing as well! For more information and ticket information go online to www.4elementslivingarts.org

On Sunday, August 11th, join in the celebrations at the Kagawong Park Centre to acknowledge Mary Buie as Billings Township’s 2019 Citizen of the Year. From 2:00pm to 5:00pm, cake and refreshments will be served; guests are asked to bring a non-perishable item for the local food bank. Congratulations, Mary!

If a dog gives birth on the side of the road, could she be charged with littering?

The next Euchre tournament is Wednesday, August 21, 7:30pm at the Kagawong Park Centre. Everyone welcome!

We’re running out of ideas for dog puns; contact us at www.kagawong@live.ca if you have any pointers. Have a great week!

August 2, 2019

Ah, the hot and hazy days of summer. Team Fergmeijer was enjoying a leisurely lunch at Riverside on the weekend and were playing with the ketchup bottle when it squirted right in our eyes. In Heinz sight, goofing around like that was probably a bad idea. At the table next to us, a guy handed this girl a bottle of tonic water and ask her out on a date. He totally schwepped her off her feet. 

Happy birthdays go out to several people this week. MBB celebrated his 29th out of town but still managed to have a bang up day. Beth Gordon also turned 29 this week. Last year she told us she got heartburn from her birthday cake. This year we told her she should maybe remove the candles first.  ; Emma R is celebrating her 9th year while she’s in town for the month. If she keeps growing up at this rate, she’ll be 29 in no time!

History Day in Kagawong is fast approaching! Mark Thursday, August 8th on your calendar, and be sure to join staff from the Museum for one of two talks on The Shipwrecks of Georgian Bay and Harbor Island (3:30pm and 7:30pm) at the Park Centre. In between the talks, from 4pm-7pm, get your blue lips on by partaking in the Blueberry Social at the market pavillion! Featuring live music by Paul Best, all proceeds from the social go toward the Angel Bus. See you there! You can also support the Angel Bus by purchasing a ticket for the quilt raffle. Tickets are sold each week at the farmers market in Kagawong.

Some friends of ours just had a daughter, and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.

On Sunday, August 11th, join in the celebrations at the Kagawong Park Centre to acknowledge Mary Buie as Billings Township’s 2019 Citizen of the Year. From 2:00pm to 5:00pm, cake and refreshments will be served; guests are asked to bring a non-perishable item for the local food bank. Congratulations, Mary!

The results are in from the last Euchre tournament (July 17th)! High score Karen & Myra; 2nd/3rd tie Ted & Ruth and Elva & Doris; Most lone hands Karen & Myra; Low Score Cal & Lilly; Special prize Corey. The next Euchre tournament is Wednesday, August 21, 7:30pm at the Kagawong Park Centre. Everyone welcome!

We’ve heard there’s a new church that’s formed on the Island. They serve cheese after every service. They’re fonduementalists. 

Batter’s up! Every Sunday at 7pm, join other ball players at the Ice Lake ball field for a game. No experience necessary, come out for some fun competition.

There’s never a dull moment over on Whiskey Lane. Rumour has it the Hruby clan (and friends) nearly pulled a Gilligan’s Island out in the bay. Left adrift after some engine trouble, they crafted a radio from some coconuts (as well as matching his and hers bikinis) and managed to raise the Hunt boys just before they left for their weekly picnic out in the Benjamins. Former mayor Aus Hunt, continuing with a life of service, even in his retirement, headed up the rescue efforts ensuring everyone got back to dry land safely. 

Did you see the tall ships that were docked at the marina on the weekend? They reminded us of a fun marine fact we recently learned: Do you know that Norway’s navy fleet have barcodes on the sides of them? It’s so that when the ships return to port, they can Scandinavian. Have a great week!