August 28, 2020

This past week, the Ministry of Transportation published a list of vanity licence plates that the province did not approve for use on vehicles. Team Fergmeijer was not surprised to see plates such as COVID19, MOISTLY, OKBOOMER, and HAAAAAAA get rejected, however we’re keeping our fingers crossed that our recent requests of BRDLVEIL, SNDY BECH, TM FRGMJR, GRMS HILL, and KAG TRKYS vanity plates all get approved.

The Old Mill Heritage Centre’s annual History Day in Kagawong is online this year in deference to Covid-19 precautions. You can still browse the best moments from a decade’s worth of History Day presentations at the museum’s website, www.kagawongmuseum.ca.

We are sad to report that this past week was the final township market at the Old Church on the Hill. Thank you to all the vendors who helped turn the new location into a bustling (socially distant) gathering place each Wednesday throughout the summer. 

The end of the weekly markets can mean only one thing - the start of the school year is almost upon us. A gentle reminder that this year is quite different from past years and to check with your school and with the school board for start up procedures. There will be 3 PA days the first week of September (Sept 1, 2, 3) before students start returning to classes on the 8th.  

Happy Birthday wishes go out to Billings icon Ed B who turned 29 last week. We thought it would be a funny joke if we reversed the numbers of his age, but who would believe that Ed is in his 90s?! Belated birthday wishes also go out to the venerable MZ of Gore Bay, who celebrated his 29th birthday this past week. Hats off to you, good sir! Amy H, who also lives in Gore Bay, (but desperately wants to be a Kagawongian, in her heart of hearts) is another one who has hit the big 29 - on the 29th no less! Many happy returns and we hope the hooligans treat you right on your big day. 

The library and the museum have launched an ambitious project this summer - revamping and republishing the ever popular book, “How It All Began: A History of the Kagawong Area circa 1872-1910” and they have secured funding for a 6 month internship! The position is open to those enrolled in or recently graduated from post secondary, and would involve work to research, reproduce, publish and promote the finished product. Application deadline is September 11th. More details are available at: https://billingstwp.ca/employment-opportunities/ 

Don’t forget about the Fergmeijer fundraiser for the library! Visit the library’s new website, www.billings-library.com to check out the punderful collection of punny shirts, totes, onesies and face masks.

Our words of wisdom for the week: surround yourself with tacos, not negativity. Have a great week!

August 21, 2020

The stress of the approaching school year has really gotten to us lately. We haven’t been sleeping well. Last night was especially bad. One of us was so exhausted they accidentally used body spray instead of breath spray and all day they’ve been talking with a strange axe scent. 

The Old Mill Heritage Centre’s annual History Day in Kagawong is online this year in deference to Covid-19 precautions. You can still browse the best moments from a decade’s worth of History Day presentations at the museum’s website, www.kagawongmuseum.ca.

We love hearing from our loyal readers! Our thoughts on pronouncing words like Ancient Greek names inspired MB from out Maple Point way to send us his favourite:

An ancient Greek walks into a tailor shop wearing a torn pair of trousers. 

The tailor says, "Ah... Euripides?"

The customer says, "Yeah, Eumenides?"

Happy Birthday Bonny F who turned 29 on Thursday. The silver lining of a birthday in 2020 is that unlike most years, when you light candles on the cake and everyone cheers when you blow them out, then rushes for a piece, in 2020 no one wants to share a cake that you’ve blown on. More cake for you! Birthday wishes also go out to a trio of Theijsmeijers (some of whom are visiting the Kagawong this weekend) who are celebrating next week. Enjoy the celebrations! None of you look a day over 29!

The library and the museum have launched an ambitious project this summer - revamping and republishing the ever popular “How It All Began: A History of the Kagawong Area circa 1872-1910” and they have secured funding for a 6 month internship! The position is open to those enrolled in or recently graduated from post secondary, and would involve work to research, reproduce, publish and promote the finished product. Application deadline is September 11th. More details are available at: https://billingstwp.ca/employment-opportunities/ 

 

Don’t forget about the Fergmeijer fundraiser for the library! Visit the library’s new website, www.billings-library.com to check out the punderful collection of punny shirts, totes, onesies and face masks.

Cooking with Team Fergmeijer top tip: How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan? Take away its little brooms. 

 

Things are getting positively progressive out around Maple Point these days. The township is paving Range A Sideroad! No stranger to large trucks and machinery trekking through the area, especially this year, most residents barely noticed the additions, to be honest. 

 

Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind… it stinks. Have a great week!

August 14, 2020

Our long-time readers will know what history buffs we at Team Fergmeijer are. Recently we discovered the joys of pronouncing words like ‘popsicles’ as if they were ancient Greek names (“Pop-sih-clees”). 

Popsicles said to Spectacles, “Can you see what’s going on over there?” Spectacles replies, “Vehicles is trying to drive away, but Tentacles won’t let her. Barnacles insists on coming along, and Obstacles just keeps getting in the way of everyone. You don’t have to be Oracles to see that this is going to end badly.” Receptacles couldn’t contain himself when Chronicles told him what happened, and Ventricles almost had a heart attack. Articles tried to tell the story, too but Ossicles wasn’t hearing any of it, and Icicles just gave them all the cold shoulder. 

If you want a real challenge, try pronouncing Saxophone like Persephone! 

Speaking of history, the Old Mill Heritage Centre’s annual History Day in Kagawong is online this year in deference to Covid-19 precautions. You can browse the best moments from a decade’s worth of History Day presentations at the museum’s website, www.kagawongmuseum.ca. On top of that excitement, on Thursday the museum was giving out free cupcakes to celebrate the 95th birthday of the iconic Old Mill building! Did you get one? 

The line up at the landfill (which could be our new band name…) is not bad these days, but we were pleased to have a moment to speak (from a responsible distance) with Scooter while we waited the other day. Denis’ right hand helper, Scooter keeps everything in tip top shape and organized up there and around the community. She’s gaining an impressive knowledge of people’s addresses just based on the car they drive, but it’s not complete just yet. Be patient if you are asked who you are or what your address is each time you visit. 

Happy Birthday wishes go out to Meg M who turns 29 TODAY! One of the best pieces of advice as we get older is the old adage, “Remember to appreciate the little things.” Of course, at a certain age, seeing the little things is easier said than done, but do the best you can!

A big thank you to our friends from Manitoulin Streams who stopped by the River Trail to pick up any garbage last week. Thank you for keeping our community clean! Let’s all pitch in and make sure the community trails stay beautiful for all to enjoy.

Has anyone seen the Whiskey Lane sign? It mysteriously disappeared awhile ago. The rock, the picnic table, now the sign… good grief. The crime around here is out of control!

There was a good turnout of interested community members at the public information sessions on the Kagawong Main Street reconstruction engineering design this past week. Some changes will be coming to the main road leading into town, including redirecting water drainage, new sidewalks, and additional roadside parking. Thanks to Todd Gordon for facilitating the sessions!

Your favourite Kagawong columnists, Team Fergmeijer, have partnered up with the Billings Public Library with a pun-draiser! Check out the library’s Facebook page or website (billings-library.com) for a very fine selection of pun-themed shirts, tote bags, onesies, and face masks. All proceeds from sales go to the library.

As ridiculous as it is to have to say it once, we feel the need to say it again: please refrain from swimming in and around the active construction zone around the Old Mill. The township reminds you that the area surrounding the small craft marina is a dangerous construction zone. Even the water part.

Want to hear something humerus? If you boil a funny bone, it becomes laughing stock. Have a great week!

August 7, 2020

If it has been the ultimutt ruff week for you, never fear, Team Fergmeijer is here to cheer you up and help you pug-get about your troubles. We are now firmly in the dog days of summer, so true to fashion, we thought we’d spice up this week’s column with some doggone pawesome dog puns. Hopefully you don’t find them repugnant, but if you do, well, don’t hound us about it. 

We extend best wishes to Lisa H. who celebrated her 29th birthday this past week. Just remember, everything gets better with age! Except cookies...and fruit...and the structural integrity of buildings…

Our friend got a new puppy this week and she’s been smiling from ear terrier ever since. She has plans to take him to the groomer today, but doesn’t want them to Maltese his fur too much. After that, she was taking him on a spa date, but they wouldn’t allow pets. Seems they were too pawsh. 

Curious about construction? There is an in-person, public information session on the Kagawong Main Street reconstruction engineering design 2020-2021 coming up on Tuesday, August 11. There will be two identical sessions: one in the afternoon, and one in the evening; both will be in the Kagawong Pavilion across from the Municipal Office. Contact tgordon@billingstwp.ca or 705 923-6189 for more information.

And what’s summer without a little roadwork? Hard surfacing is expected on the following roads between now and September 1st: Rainbow Heights, Upper Street, and the south end of Monument Road. Be patient with the construction crews, and think about how smooth your ride will be when the roads are done!

Why do dogs make terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.

The library is open for business! They have instituted some precautions, like masks and hand sanitizing being required inside the library. The library’s free wifi will continue to be available 24/7, but must be accessed from outside; library computers and workstations are unavailable at this time. The “BOOK A BOOK” pickup service is still available if you prefer. Emily is keen to see some friendly (above the mask) faces back in the library again!

Your favourite Kagawong columnists, Team Fergmeijer, have partnered up with the Billings Public Library with a pun-draiser! Check out the library’s Facebook page or website (billings-library.com) for a very fine selection of pun-themed shirts, tote bags, onesies, and face masks. All proceeds from sales go to the library.

This column has seen some pretty ridiculous statements made by yours truly, but this one may take the cake: Please refrain from swimming in the active construction zone downtown. The township would like to remind you that the area surrounding the small craft marina is a dangerous construction zone. Even the water part.

If the sunny days of summer have you looking for love, may we suggest that when meeting someone for the first time, an ice breaker can be a great conversation starter, like, ‘Are you my backyard? Because I dig you.’  If your significant other asks how she looks, just tell her that she’s not fat, she’s just a little husky. If that doesn’t go over well, you can always fall back on a simple ‘I’m mutts about you!’

Whew! To tolerate this many dog puns you’d have to be a Saint (Bernard). Have a great week!

July 31, 2020

With phase 3 rolling out across the province, this week Team Fergmeijer decided to venture out finally and shop for our own groceries (oh the luxury!).  We carefully read up on what the requirements were for stores, and made sure to follow the guidelines that say it’s enough to just wear a mask while we are inside. Boy were we in for a surprise when everyone else had pants on! Truthfully, that wasn’t the first time we’ve left the house, just the first time shopping in-person. We’ve gone for many walks and scenic drives. Our Manitoulin mom is perhaps a bit over-cautious and always tells us to be sure to put the mask on any time we leave the house. And we do, but you have to wonder if the cats aren’t sick of that movie by now. 

Today is the LAST of the free fresh fruits and veggies that have been made available courtesy of Noojmowin Teg. Pickup is today (Friday) from 1:30pm to 3:30pm (or until supplies last) at the Billings Fire Hall (95 Main Street). This final bundle of food includes mini cucumbers and oranges!

Felicitations go out to former Kagawongian Beth Gordon who turns 29 today. She certainly doesn’t look her age. Or act it!

Curious about construction? There is an in-person, public information session on the Kagawong Main Street reconstruction engineering design 2020-2021 coming up on Tuesday, August 11. There will be two identical sessions: one in the afternoon, and one in the evening; both will be in the Kagawong Pavilion across from the Municipal Office. Contact tgordon@billingstwp.ca or 705 923-6189 for more information.

And what’s summer without a little roadwork? Hard surfacing is expected on the following roads between now and September 1st: Rainbow Heights, Upper Street, and the south end of Monument Road. Be patient with the construction crews, and think about how smooth your ride will be when the roads are done!

The library is welcoming patrons again! They have instituted some precautions, like masks and hand sanitizing being required inside the library. The library’s free wifi will continue to be available 24/7, but must be accessed from outside; library computers and workstations are unavailable at this time. The “BOOK A BOOK” pickup service is still available if you prefer. The library board appreciates your patience as they navigate this reopening. 

Your favourite Kagawong columnists, Team Fergmeijer, have partnered up with the Billings Public Library with a pun-draiser! Check out the library’s Facebook page or website (billings-library.com) for a very fine selection of pun-themed shirts, tote bags, onesies, and face masks. All proceeds from sales go to the library.

Your trusty correspondents have dug into the issue of the giant boulder that mysteriously disappeared last week. We investigated as deeply and accurately as we do all of our reports, but have been unable to solve the case. We did come across a picnic table upside down in a giant patch of poison ivy near the power station on the river trail. Coincidence? We think not! If you have any information on this or any other Billings mystery, reach out to us (kagawong@live.ca)

And mask, but not least, our words of wisdom for this week: Mask not what your community can do for you, mask what you can do for your community. Have a great week!

July 24, 2020

With the ferry impressive weather we’ve had for most of July, Team Fergmeijer decided it was aboat time we got out on the water. We were knot shore where we wanted to go, but were feeling nauti and decided to seas the day! So, we went with a few friends on a sea-nic route around the Benjis (off course, your’s truly were the navigators), and then we settled in for a bit of a get-together at the marina. Half way through the night, some jerks crashed the party; they just barged right in! We can’t think of any more boat puns, canoe? More will come to us schooner or later. 

After weeks of reporting on things that were closed, it sure is nice to be able to tell you about all the things around town that are open again! The river trail and falls are open, though the stairs from the parking lot to the falls remain closed. The playground equipment at the beach and the game board are open, too! And for those who miss the friendly faces in the town office, the municipal office in their newly renovated space in the Old Mill is open to the public again. To top it all off, the fire ban has been lifted as well! Safe social distancing and hand washing/sanitizing is still recommended when using any of these facilities. 

Billings has seen the ratio of Theijsmeijers to non-Theijsmeijers rise significantly over the last few years and that means the sheer number of Theijsmeijer birthdays has increased as well. This week saw TWO Theijsmeijers celebrating - Arik turned the big 29 on Tuesday, sharing the big day with Ethan (who has not yet hit 29, but is getting closer all the time). Happiest of happy birthdays to both of them!

Also celebrating another trip around the sun are two Theijsmeijer-adjacent honourary Kagawongians, Sophie H and Darcy D. They were unavailable for comment at the time of writing, but we are sure they would have said something suitably teenager-ish like, “Awwww snap!” or, “Dude, that’s totally fleet.”  

The incomparable Mike C (aka MBB) turns 29 this week; possibly his last as a full-time Kagawongian. We hope he celebrated it in style! Former Kagawongian Jen C (aka MBD) celebrates her 29th year also! It was a bit of a roller coaster, but we are sure she’s enjoying the calmer waters now. Long-time Kagawongian, Meredith N is another one who turns 29 this week. Looking at her you wouldn’t believe she’s grandmother to two adorable little bundles. We hope the grandpuppies gave her a suitably enthusiastic greeting on her big day. 

The library is welcoming patrons again! Masks and hand sanitizing will be required inside the library and only 2 patrons will be allowed in the library at a time, with a 15 minute time limit for browsing. The library’s free wifi will continue to be available 24/7, but must be accessed from outside; library computers and workstations are unavailable at this time. The “BOOK A BOOK” pickup service is still available if you prefer. The library board appreciates your patience as they navigate this reopening. 

Your favourite Kagawong columnists, Team Fergmeijer, have partnered up with the Billings Public Library with a pun-draiser! Check out the library’s Facebook page or website (billings-library.com) for a very fine selection of pun-themed shirts, tote bags, onesies, and face masks. All proceeds from sales go to the library.

Have you gotten your market fix this week? The regular Kagawong market (held at the Old Church On The Hill) is every Wednesday in July and August from 10am-3pm. On Saturdays, check out the market at Sugar Bush Coffee House from 10am - 2pm! 

FREE fresh fruits and veggies continue to be available each week courtesy of Noojmowin Teg. Pickups are Fridays from 1:30pm to 3:30pm (or until supplies last) at the Billings Fire Hall (95 Main Street). This week: apples and peppers!

Billings may have another mystery to add to it’s collection. Reports have come in that an unexplained force has removed a rather enormous boulder from it’s home along the road leading towards Maple Point. The town has denied responsibility for it, and although some say that the presence of tire tracks means it was moved by humans, we are still leaning towards the alien abduction theory. If you have any information, reach out to us (kagawong@live.ca)

Since we are dealing in conspiracy theories, we’d like to point out that a pair of Sandhill Cranes have been seen lounging around Peter G’s property lately. A less trusting pair of reporters might speculate that he is wooing them with food or other crane-related luxuries in order to encourage them to arrive early next spring, thus ensuring his reign in the Fergmeijer Crane Spotting competition. 

Did you hear about the big paddle sale at the boat store? It attracted quite a crowd. Apparently getting to the counter was quite the oar deal. Have a great week!

July 17, 2020

Staying pawsitive during the pandemic has been tough. Sometimes we have found ourselves to be feline nearly hissterical. Good thing cat puns don’t freak meowt; like fur real. 

At the time of writing, there is a complete fire ban in Billings. Keep an eye on the Township of Billings Facebook page for updates. 

Connected to the municipal water system and watering your lawn or garden? Restrictions are now in effect: even-numbered municipal addresses may water on even calendar days, and odd-numbered municipal addresses may water on odd calendar days. Watering can only be done from 5:00 am - 8:00 am and 6:00 pm - 11:59 pm. Thank you for helping us conserve water!

The landfill hours have been extended again, Sunday hours will be 10am - 4pm. Tuesday and Thursday hours remain 2pm-6pm. 

We were on a video call with a friend from Britain the other day. She was very critical of our apartment, so we knocked her flat. 

As part of the phase 3 reopening, the library will be welcoming patrons again starting on Tuesday July 21st. Some precautions will still be in place to protect the public and staff: masks and hand sanitizing will be required inside the library, we ask that only 2 patrons be in the library at a time, and a 15 minute time limit will be in place. The library’s free wifi will continue to be available 24/7, but must be accessed from outside; library computers and workstations are unavailable at this time. Book returns will continue to be accepted in the return slot only. They will also continue with the “BOOK A BOOK” pickup service throughout the summer. The library board appreciates your patience as they navigate this reopening. 

The new reopening plan isn’t the only exciting thing the library has going on right now - Your favourite Kagawong columnists, Team Fergmeijer, have partnered up with the Billings Public Library to raise some funds (one might even call it a pun-draiser!). Check out the library’s Facebook page or website (billings-library.com) for a very fine selection of pun-themed shirts, tote bags, onesies, and face masks. With these items, you no longer have to get closer than 6 feet to know whether someone is clever and sophisticated... if they are wearing a Team Fergmeijer limited-edition shirt, that's a given! All proceeds from sales go to the library.

Little known Team Fergmeijer fact: we do a lot of sponsored silences for charity, but we don’t like to talk about it. 

Have you gotten your market fix this week? The regular Kagawong market (held at the Old Church On The Hill) is every Wednesday in July and August from 10-3pm. On Saturdays, check out the market at Sugar Bush Coffee House! 

FREE fresh fruits and veggies continue to be available each week courtesy of Noojmowin Teg. Pickups are Fridays from 1:30pm to 3:30pm (or until supplies last) at the Billings Fire Hall (95 Main Street). This week: tomatoes and grapes!

A lot of people have been baking during the pandemic. A friendly reminder to put safety first, especially if you are making a large fruit cake. Be careful not to fall in; there can be some very strong currants in there. Have a great week!