April 22, 2026

All over the Island, water has been on everyone’s minds this week. We hope everyone is safe and has been able to dry out over the last couple of days. If it feels a bit too soon for ‘fun facts’ about water, you can skip right past the rest of the intro of the column this week. It’s okay; we totally understand. After this section, the rest of the jokes are completely dry. Fair warning, the water facts start now: you all know the chemical formula for water, H2O. But what is H2O2? Hydrogen peroxide, which is not very stable, but is highly reactive. What is H2O3? It doesn’t exist. The electronic structures around hydrogen and oxygen don’t allow this molecule to form and be stable. So what is H2O4? Drinking, bathing, swimming, etc.

The Manitoulin Community Choir is welcoming spring with a song! Come see them perform Friday, April 24th at 7:30pm at the Kagawong Park Centre. 

Upcoming Seniors Active Living events at the Park Centre: Yoga, Mondays at 9am; indoor walking, Tuesdays at 2pm; Yoga with Sam, Wednesdays at 11am; and Fitness with Kelly, Thursdays at 9am. There are also Chatter Matters Café sessions at 10:30am tomorrow (April 23). And yes - Euchre is back today (Wednesday, April 22) at 6:30pm! Contact Mary at 705 348-2285 for more information on any of the SAL activities.

We went our whole lives absolutely certain we’d never get a phone call from a vegetable. Then, one day… onion rings

Come on out to St. John’s Church in Kagawong on Saturday, May 2 at 7pm for a fundraiser for the Manitoulin Food Bank! Local musicians Cia and Bill Savage will be joined by Paul Best and Isaac Gosse for a classic rock sing-a-long. Donations and food items welcome, with all proceeds going to Manitoulin Family Resources.

Find yourself reminiscing about playing the trumpet in high school? Been longing to pick up that long-forgotten sousaphone? Good news - the Manitoulin Adult Concert Band is now a reality! Come out Wednesdays at 7pm to the music room at Manitoulin Secondary and join a group of like-minded amateur musicians playing for flugel fun and flute-y fellowship. 

We are wishing several very special women some very special happy birthday wishes this week: Marilyn P, Jean W, Kristy K, Cameron H. You know you are getting old when you and your teeth don’t sleep together any more, and when you bend over to straighten the wrinkles in your socks, you realize you aren’t wearing any. When your back goes out, but you stay home, and when it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 

FYI: our birthday jokes might not resonate with Cameron as she is the only one not celebrating her 29th birthday, but we hope the rest of you appreciate them. 

The best part of the yucky spring weather so far is all the extra time we have to craft up a storm for the library’s Fiber Arts Fundraiser. Check out the project suggestions on their website (bit.ly/fiberfundraiser) to find dozens of small, silly projects for all ability levels that can be whipped up in just a couple hours. Donate your finished products to the library for their summer market fundraising table. 

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke? Have a great week!

April 15, 2026

Did you hear about the rabbit that won the lottery? Overnight he became a million-hare. He used part of his winnings to buy a private hare-plane and flew to Hollywood. He’s quite the hoptimist and has dreams of starring in a big blockbuster movie. He’s hoping to get an audition for Hop-timus Prime. 

We would like to extend many many congratulations to Jean and Jamie Ward who are celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. When asked for a few words of wisdom about their long and happy relationship, Jean commented, “a wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity.” Jamie added, “The order varies for any given year, yo!”

The Manitoulin Community Choir is welcoming spring with a song! Come see them perform Friday, April 24th at 7:30pm at the Kagawong Park Centre. 

Didn’t win the Team Fergmeijer sandhill crane spotting competition, but still are determined to bring home a prize? You’re in luck! The township is hosting an Ice Out competition! Guess when the ice will break free and float off Mudge Bay, and a prize could be in your future. Send your submission to dhillyard@billingstwp.ca before April 15th. Note that trying to melt the ice with a really big magnifying glass on a sunny day will disqualify you from the competition. 

Come on out to St. John’s Church in Kagawong on Saturday, May 2 at 7pm for a fundraiser for the Manitoulin Food Bank! Local musicians Cia and Bill Savage will be joined by Paul Best and Isaac Gosse for a classic rock sing-a-long. Donations and food items welcome, with all proceeds going to Manitoulin Family Resources.

Upcoming Seniors Active Living events at the Park Centre: Yoga, Mondays at 9am; indoor walking, Tuesdays at 2pm; Yoga with Sam, Wednesdays at 11am; and Fitness with Kelly, Thursdays at 9am. There are also Chatter Matters Café sessions at 10:30am on both April 20 and April 23. And yes - Euchre is back Wednesday, April 22 at 6:30pm! Contact Mary at 705 348-2285 for more information on any of the SAL activities.

Find yourself reminiscing about playing the clarinet in high school? Been longing to pick up that long-forgotten saxophone? Have no fear - Manitoulin Adult Concert Band is now a reality! Come out Wednesdays at 7pm to the music room at Manitoulin Secondary and join a group of like-minded amateur musicians playing for flugel fun and flute-y fellowship. 

Happy birthday to Carol L who will be turning 29 (again!) very shortly. We don’t always feel our age, that is until we hear our favourite song from our youth playing in an elevator.

The best part of the yucky spring weather so far is all the extra time we have to craft up a storm for the library’s Fiber Arts Fundraiser. Check out the project suggestions on their website (bit.ly/fiberfundraiser) to find dozens of small, silly projects for all ability levels that can be whipped up in just a couple hours. Donate your finished products to the library for their summer market fundraising table. 

The difference between a clown and a rabbit is that one is a little bit funny, and the other is a little fit bunny. Have a great week!

April 8, 2026

Spring has apparently sprung… and immediately slipped on the ice. If April showers bring May flowers, what does April freezing rain bring? So far it’s been a forecast of 100% chance of ‘are you kidding me!?’

The town was hopping with youngsters this weekend at the annual Easter egg hunt at the Park Centre. As always, the rules were simple: 1) be kind to one another - there are lots of chocolate eggs for everyone, and 2) if the chocolate egg you found on the ground is not wrapped in foil, it’s not a chocolate egg. An adorable Easter bunny was present to entertain the kids, and many chocolate-smeared smiles could be seen. Many thanks to the organizers and volunteers who made the day so much fun.

Didn’t win the Team Fergmeijer sandhill crane spotting competition, but still are determined to bring home a prize? You’re in luck! The township is hosting an Ice Out competition! Guess when the ice will break free and float off Mudge Bay, and a prize could be in your future. Send your submission to dhillyard@billingstwp.ca before April 15th. Note that trying to melt the ice with a space heater and a long extension cord will disqualify you from the competition. 

Come on out to St. John’s Church in Kagawong on Saturday, May 2 at 7pm for a fundraiser for the Manitoulin Food Bank! Local musicians Cia and Bill Savage will be joined by Paul Best and Isaac Gosse for a classic rock sing-a-long. Donations and food items welcome, with all proceeds going to Manitoulin Family Resources.

Upcoming Seniors Active Living events at the Park Centre: Yoga, Mondays at 9am; indoor walking, Tuesdays at 2pm (but not April 14); Yoga with Sam, Wednesdays at 11am; and Fitness with Kelly, Thursdays at 9am. There are also Chatter Matters Café sessions at 10:30am on both April 20 and April 23. And yes - Euchre is back Wednesday, April 22 at 6:30pm! Contact Mary at 705 348-2285 for more information on any of the SAL activities.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the volunteers who kept the rink at the Kagawong River Complex open and skate-able all winter long! The rink is now closed for the season. 

Turns out this week includes National Cherish an Antique Day, so in the spirit of the season, we would like to wish a happy birthday to Sharon A who is celebrating her 29th birthday.  And a very special happy birth day wish goes out to Rowan V, the newest (and cutest) Kagawongian, who has quite a few years before she will be celebrating her 29th birthday for even the first time!

The best part of the yucky spring weather so far is all the extra time we have to craft up a storm for the library’s Fiber Arts Fundraiser. Check out the project suggestions on their website (bit.ly/fiberfundraiser) to find dozens of small, silly projects for all ability levels that can be whipped up in just a couple hours. Donate your finished products to the library for their summer market fundraising table. 

Do you have any photos or newspaper clippings about the Billings Fire Department? Some dedicated locals are looking for any and all references they can find about the history of the department and those who have served on it. Contact Team Fergmeijer if you have anything you would be willing to share. 

With spring finally underway, we promise to stop whining about April showers once and floral. Have a great week!

April 1, 2026

No foolin’! As of today, the landfill has switched to their summer hours! Visit Denis Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2-6pm and weekends 10-4pm. The rest of the column, though - complete nonsense. 

Despite the depth of the snow on the ground still, with the first Sandhill Crane sighting, it’s Fergmeijer-offical spring! That’s right, we have a winner in the annual Sandhill Crane Spotting Competition, and they spotted TWO cranes a full day before the next closest report of a sighting/sounding. Once again, Peter Gordon gets bragging rights and we fully expect him to strut his superior spotting skills all year round!

And of course, with the closing of one competition, we have the opening of another. As it has on the first day of April every year since 2018, the annual Crane Cooing Contest is happening right now! Or was happening this morning, or possibly yesterday… depends on when you picked up your copy of the Expositor. Another great turnout, this display of vocal prowess just keeps getting better and better. Congratulations to all the participants who welcomed the cranes back to Manitoulin with a hearty and melodious coo!

In an effort to boost the health and well-being of the seniors in the community, Team Fergmeijer has been consulting with the township on some additional offerings for the Senior Active Living program. Research shows that swimming is a great, low-impact exercise, so look for the Silver Swimmers Subsea SCUBA Society (SSSSS) diving club coming soon. And because we want to have year-round options, locals can look forward to a weekly polar bear version of those sessions throughout the winter. We are still working out the name for that club: The Chilly Willies? Hip Replacement, Meet Hypothermia? Cryo-Cardio? Dip Happens? Let us know your preference. Also, as everyone knows, surrounding yourself in nature is a great way to improve your mental health, which is why we will be launching “Over the Hill…and Down Again” repelling and rock-climbing trips. We have several other ideas that we are still working the details out for: Balance and Mild Panic (aka goat yoga); turkey evasion training camps; aggressive birdwatching (you WILL identify that songbird); Mindfulness Through Mild Complaining. 

On a more serious note, there have been some complaints about the township’s new SAL program. Another Island organization is claiming Billings stole their name and idea. We reached out to the Señor Active Living group who made the accusation, but they were not available for comment, offering only a brief “nada,” likely due to scheduling conflicts with their training for Abuela’s Got Talent, and their weekly “Tapas and Triceps” exercise class. Though we would rather support our local SAL, we can’t help but be tempted by their Siesta Fiesta picnic series. 

A big sticky maple-flavoured thank you to everyone who tapped into the Maple Syrup Festival in Kagawong last weekend. Next up at the Kagawong Park Centre is the First Annual Smelt Festival! This inaugural event will feature over a dozen vendors selling smelt-themed wares from knitting to pottery to candles to baking. Kick things off in the morning with a smelt and pancake breakfast, or stay for a lunch of maple glazed smelt on a bun (really more of a slider since they’re so small). Didn’t win the buttertart competition last weekend? Fear not - there’s still time to register for the smelt tart competition. There will also be activities for the whole family, including a mock smelt run with members of the local organizing committee acting as the smelt. Catch them all! Refresh yourself with a smelt smoothie before heading out to try your luck at the smelt toss, and take part in a high risk, low reward game of ‘Guess That Smell” (aka “You Smelt It, You Dealt It”). Stay tuned for more details!

Congratulations to everyone who participated in the annual 3-on-3 hockey tournament last weekend. Once the ice is out, we have heard that the Kagawong River Complex will be hosting a new 3-on-3 Pickleball tournament. Special rules for this rare format of play include double dinking, quarter volleys, and snacks in the kitchen. Don’t wiffle - reserve your team’s spot today!

Did you know? Babies born on March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools’ Day. They were literally born yesterday! Have a great week!

March 25, 2026

Last week’s stormy weather had Team Fergmeijer craving some comfort food. We wanted to try a new soup recipe, but it called for 5 potatoes cubed. We’ll be honest, 125 potatoes seemed a bit excessive, so we went with mac n cheese instead. (Come on, admit it… that was a ladle bit funny.) 

It’s that time of year again, when perfectly reasonable adults stop mid-conversation, stare into the distance, and say ‘…crane?’ That’s right, it’s time for the unofficial-totally silly-but-extremely-serious Sandhill Crane spotting competition! We’re not saying you should ignore your responsibilities to look for cranes… but we’re not not saying that. Report the date and time of your sightings (and soundings) to fergmeijer@gmail.com. First sighting/sounding earns full bragging rights as well as a level of local fame that goes straight to your head.

Thank you to everyone who helped out their neighbours last week during the storm. It was so heartwarming to hear of folks going out of their way to check in on and help others in the township. Thanks for making Billings such a great community to be a part of!

 

Don’t forget that Billings Senior Active Living hosts indoor walking in the sunny upstairs of the Park Centre each Tuesday at 2pm. Mondays at 9am is Yoga with Sam and Fridays at 9am you can join fitness classes with Kelly Ranta. Get fit and active at your own pace! 

Also offered by SAL are Euchre for fun nights. The last session was cancelled due to weather, so be sure to mark the next two on your calendar: Wednesday, March 25th (tonight!) and April 22nd at the Park Centre. Games start at 6:30pm followed by refreshments. Rookies and solos are all welcome. Contact Mary Milligan at 705 348-2285 for more information.

Tap into happiness this Saturday at the first annual Manitoulin Maple Syrup Festival. The event starts with a pancake breakfast. Browse the maple-forward vendors inside, and explore the interactive mock sugar bush, “Through the Ages,” where you can learn how to place a spile and sample fresh maple candy. Take a turn around the skating rink, and take a break for a pork on a bun lunch. The festival wraps up with a maple-forward, multi-course dining experience prepared by local chefs. Seating begins at 5:30 PM, advance tickets are required. Not to get sappy, but the menu has maple-leiveing in love at first bite. All profits from the event will go to Little Current Hospital Auxiliary in support of Manitoulin Health Centre. Visit manitoulinculinarytourism.ca/maple-syrup-festival for more information and to purchase tickets. 

Happy birthday to Tahnee P, Micki B who are celebrating their 29th birthdays this week. Do you find yourself struggling to read the instructions on your anti-aging face cream? Do you get unreasonably excited about things like outdoor cushions? Do phone calls after 9pm upset you? Don’t think of it as getting old, think of it as outliving the warranty.

Still not totally dug out from last week’s dump of snow? No rush! It’s just more time to knit and crochet mini projects for the library’s Fiber Arts Fundraiser. Their website (bit.ly/fiberfundraiser) has dozens of small, silly projects for all ability levels that can be whipped up in just a couple hours. Donate your adorable finished products to the library and they will use them to raise money at their summer market table. 

Do you have any photos or newspaper clippings about the Billings Fire Department? Some dedicated locals are looking for any and all references they can find about the history of the department and those who have served on it. Contact Team Fergmeijer if you have anything you would be willing to share. 

May your diet Cokes be crisp and your hoodie strings be even, and may you never stir your coffee with the cat food spoon. This is our sincere wish for you all. Have a great week!

March 18, 2026

Even though Team O’Fergmeijer puts the ‘sham’ in shamrock, we love to go cloverboard for St. Patrick’s day. We could tone it down, but we figure, if it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it. Yesterday we planned to wear our shamrock ties, but decided to go with a rain bow instead. It’s just a darn Seamus that this year St. Patrick’s day didn’t quite fall on Expositor publication day, but as they say: keep calm and leprechaun. We may have hit the pint of no return with these puns. 

In consulting the Team O’Fergmeijer archives (teamfergmeijer.blogspot.com), it is clear that despite the snow on the ground, we are quickly approaching the traditional time of first sightings/soundings of Sandhill O’Cranes. Which of course, means that you need to keep a sharp eye (and ear!) out for our friendly neighbourhood dinosaurs. The annual Sandhill Crane Spotting Contest awards bragging rights upon the first person seeing or hearing a crane in the township. Willa O’Wilson and Peter O’Gordon are repeat winners and tough competition, so be sure to send your sightings or soundings to fergmeijer@gmail.com and don’t forget to include date and time of the spotting for your chance to win! 

Don’t forget that Billings Senior Active Living hosts indoor walking in the sunny upstairs of the Park O’Centre each Tuesday at 2pm. Mondays at 9am is Yoga with Sam and Fridays at 9am you can join fitness classes with Kelly O’Ranta. Get fit and active at your own pace! 

Also offered by SAL are Euchre for fun nights. The last session was cancelled due to weather, so be sure to mark the next two on your calendar: Wednesday, March 25th and April 22nd at the Park Centre. Games start at 6:30pm followed by refreshments. Rookies and solos (and presumably solo rookies!) are all welcome. Contact Mary O’Milligan at 705 348-2285 for more information.

Is winter making you feel all tapped out? This month brings warmer weather, longer days… what could po-syrup-bly maple March even better? Well we’ve got a sweet surprise for you! The first annual Manitoulin Mape O’Syrup Festival is coming to the Kagawong Park Centre on Saturday, March 28th! Sticky it on your calendar and be sure to come out for a sap-tacular day of vendors, activities and maple treats. 

Happy 29th birthday to Sharon O’Jackson and getting closer to 29th birthday to Brett O’Varey. Remember, getting old is like farming; you spend all day fixing stuff that didn’t break yesterday.

The deadline for applying for summer jobs with the township is swiftly approaching! There are two positions at the marina, two with public works, one with the museum, and one with the library. Applications, including a cover letter and a resumé, will be accepted until noon this Friday (March 20th). Check out the township website at https://www.billingstwp.ca/townhall/careers/ for more information and eligibility.

Has the recent crummy weather got you stuck inside? Why not put that time to cozy use by doing some knitting or cr-O’Shay? The library’s Fiber Arts Fundraiser’s website (bit.ly/fiberfundraiser) has dozens of small, silly projects for all ability levels that can be whipped up in just a couple hours. Donate your adorable finished products to the library and they will use them to raise money at their summer market table. 

Do you have any photos or newspaper clippings about the O’Billings Fire Department? Some dedicated locals are looking for any and all references they can find about the history of the department and those who have served on it. Contact Team O’Fergmeijer if you have anything you would be willing to share. 

The ice rink under the O’Pickledome is closed due to the mild weather lately. It might be the end of the skating season. Check out the Kagawong Outdoor Recreation Facility Facebook page for updates.

Note to self for this time next year: if you want to hire a leprechaun for St. Patrick’s day, just put him on a ladder. Have a great week!

March 11, 2026

We have always believed that the annual ‘spring forward’ changing of the clocks on Sunday morning should be followed by a national holiday on Monday. We try not to think of it as losing an hour of sleep, but more that it is us being an hour closer to breakfast. And not to be too judgmental, but maybe, if the daylight was more careful, it wouldn’t have to be saved all the time. 

Get over your winter blahs with the help of a bowl of delicious chili! Saturday, March 14th, the Anglican Church is having a Chili Fest Luncheon with homemade chili, biscuits, drinks and dessert, all for $18. You can stay and visit or get it to go. This cash-only event is a fantastic fundraiser for the church. 

Team Fergmeijer was blown away by one last poem submission that came in at the end of our Short Poems for a Short Month event. So we just had to contribute one more!

A writer from the island of Barrie

Rose to our challenge from Febr’ary.

In the nick of time,

She composed a sweet rhyme!

Who knew her talents were so varied!

It might seem a little early in the year but now is a good time to polish your binoculars and get your hearing aids tuned up, because soon enough it will be crane-spotting season! The first sightings/soundings reported to fergmeijer@gmail.com (make sure to include date and time) wins bragging rights for the whole year! 

Don’t forget that Billings Senior Active Living hosts indoor walking in the sunny upstairs of the Park Centre each Tuesday at 2pm. Mondays at 9am is Yoga with Sam and Fridays at 9am you can join Fitness with Kelly classes. Get fit and active at your own pace! 

Also offered by SAL are Euchre for fun nights. The next one is Wednesday, March 25th at the Park Centre. Games start at 6:30pm followed by refreshments. Rookies and solos (and presumably solo rookies!) are all welcome. Can’t make that game? You’ll have another chance Wednesday April 22nd.  

Is winter making you feel all tapped out? This month brings warmer weather, longer days… what could pos-sap-bly maple March even better? Well we’ve got a sweet surprise for you! The first annual Manitoulin Maple Syrup Festival is coming to the Kagawong Park Centre on Saturday, March 28th! Sticky it on your calendar and be sure to come out for a sap-tacular day of vendors, activities and maple treats. 

Happy birthday to Paula VF, Kim N, Mike M, and Arthur H who have either recently celebrated, or will soon be celebrating their 29th birthday! Getting older has definite perks. Like being able to stop lying about your age, and start lying around your house. 

The deadline for applying for summer jobs with the township is swiftly approaching! There are two positions at the marina, two with public works, one with the museum, and one with the library. Applications, including a cover letter and a resumé, will be accepted until Friday, March 20th at noon. Check out the township website at https://www.billingstwp.ca/townhall/careers/ for more information and eligibility.

Daylight Savings Time: making Team Fergmeijer fashionably late since 1978. Have a great week!