October 9, 2020

Team Fergmeijer has been spending the recent cooler weather inside, catching up on history documentaries on television. We are particular fans of ancient Rome. We don’t want to ruin your illusions, but while people tend to think of that region as being very Rome-antic, in ancient times, there were four common kinds of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of swiftness; poison IV would just make you really itchy. There was at least one political leader who had a Nero miss with those poisons. 

We had a fan of the column write to us the other day. Being familiar with our love of all things Roman, she asked for help, writing, “I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I'M LIVID!” We did our best to help her out. To be honest, we struggle with Roman numerals up to 159. After that, it just CLIX. (Please accept our Apollo-gies for all the Rome puns. We know it’s Thanksgiving weekend, but we just couldn’t resist.) 

Congratulations to Mary Buie for raising over $1000 for the CIBC Run for the Cure, in support of breast cancer research and outreach! Not only was Mary the third-highest fundraiser for the Sudbury area, which in itself is a huge accomplishment, but she also crushed the 5km walking distance on Sunday despite the cold and rainy weather. You can still donate to her campaign right up to December 31 - visit http://cibcrunforthecure.ca/ and click “Donate” to search for Mary’s name!

Team Fergmeijer thought it might be fun to teach one of the youngest members of the KGB (Kagawong Gobble Brigade - our local flock of wild turkeys) to talk. We even got so far as getting him to say some witty ripostes, but it did not turn out the way we expected. Now we have a turkey that roasts us. 

 

Happy birthday to the eldest Fergmeijer brother who celebrated on Wednesday. A Kagawongian born and raised, he spends most of his time on the east end of the Island these days. We’ve decided to allow it, but we can’t say for sure how old he’s turned now. They do things weird on the east end. Whatever age he is now, we hope he celebrated it with gusto! 

Snort snort snort! Grab your reindeer antlers, sleighbells, and elf hats, and tap tap tap your way to Christmas in Kagawong tomorrow! Team Fergmeijer is super hopeful that Santa (Ho Ho Ho!) will show up and jingle jingle jingle his change purse, buying up all sorts of goodies for Mrs. Claus and the elves. Don’t miss out! Stop by the market grounds at The Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am to 3pm, and get a festive jump on the Christmas season! Shoppers must keep one Blitzen apart from other shoppers, and face masks must be worn, please.

Team Fergmeijer got kicked off the Kagawong River trail to the falls last week, after we were seen arranging squirrels by height. Apparently the township didn’t like us critter sizing. 

Waste Reduction Week is coming up (October 19-25), and the townships of Billings and Central Manitoulin are coming together to plan a week’s worth of activities, culminating in a community garage sale and swap meet Saturday, October 24 at the Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong. Stay tuned for more details!

Sometimes the Thanksgiving turkey turns out dry, which just goes to show that there’s no accounting for bastes. Have a great week!

October 2, 2020

Have you noticed a change in the air? Noticed things seem to be quieting down in town, and just a bit less energetic than usual? It’s not the change of the season, it’s the loss of MBB and Susie! We bid a bittersweet farewell to the dynamic duo as they set out to make their fortunes out west. They will be sorely missed, but we wish them well. 

The 4e Bee Mobile Studio Tour launched last Saturday here in Kagawong and was a rousing success! Many kids of all ages, including Mike Mantha and Carol Hughes, tried their hands at the crafts and everyone was enthralled with the music. This weekend you can follow the Bee to Providence Bay. From 11am - 3pm join artist Sharon Preen and musician Jenna Maisonneuve on the beach, and take home your very own craft. 

 

There was a brief power outage not long ago. We aren’t sure, but it might be related to an incident with a friend of ours. Her son was caught chewing electrical cords and she had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and since then has been conducting himself properly. Shockingly, he’s shown no resistance to the grounding!

 

The happiest of happy birthday wishes goes out to John B, who turned 29 last week. We are confident he celebrated in style.

Once again, as the unstoppable force that she is, Kagawongian Mary Buie is raising money for the CIBC Run for the Cure, in support of breast cancer research and outreach. A breast cancer survivor, and no stranger to long distance walking, Mary is planning on walking 5 km as part of this year’s virtual event (taking place October 4), quite likely sporting bright pink in doing so. Mary has already raised $1000, but it’s not too late to support her. Visit http://cibcrunforthecure.ca/ and click “Donate” to search for Mary’s name and donate to her campaign!

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight, unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions. 

These are the days of our lives…. Harvest Glory Days that is! Help Kagawong out by decorating our community in the spirit of the harvest! Homes, businesses, halls, churches, parks, town office, farm gates, goats, lighthouses, giant backhoes, and mailboxes can all be decorated to put us in the running for a fabulous community spirit sign. Check out the Expositor for more details. 

Team Fergmeijer went to the hardware store the other day and asked if we could get an escalator for the house. All we got were some funny stares. (We love this joke because it works on so many levels!)

The countdown to Christmas has started! To Christmas in Kagawong, anyway. It’s only a week away! Grab your Santa’s hat and sleigh bells, and join us on October 10th at the market grounds at The Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am to 3pm. Potential vendors should contact Councillor Sharon Alkenbrack, Chair of the Billings Economic Development Committee, if interested at (705) 282-0193.

This last one is dedicated to superfans Mike and Susie: A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a typo.” Have a great week!

September 25, 2020

We at Team Fergmeijer have always thought Billings is a special place, but over the last few weeks it has surpassed even our expectations. It would appear that a gravitational anomaly, combined with what we suspect is the secret use of Kagawong as a testing ground for driverless cars, has resulted in several collisions of forces, and some truly hair-raising events in the downtown area. Until the anomalies are vanquished, we greatly fear that no deck or gazebo is safe!

The 4elements bees are coming to town! The 4e mo-bee-le studio tour is buzzing by Kagawong Saturday, September 26, from 11am to 3pm at the Kagawong Park Centre! MPP Mike Mantha and MP Carol Hughes will kick things off by officially recognizing the contribution of the Ontario Trillium Foundation, and artist Jenna Carter will be weaving on site, outdoors, throughout the day. Come by anytime to see her create something bee-utiful, and pick up a bee craft to make at home!

 

Happy birthday wishes go out to “Red Bird”. It has become a bit of an annual tradition that we forget to mention his birthday back in August and then we try to make up for it in September. We hope he had a wonderful day no matter when he celebrated!

 

Be part of the newest superheroes in town… the Digital Service Squad! The townships of Central Manitoulin and Billings are looking to hire a Digital Service Squad Specialist. Check out the http://billinstwp.ca for more information. Deadline to apply is September 30.

Once again, as the unstoppable force that she is, Kagawongian Mary Buie is raising money for the CIBC Run for the Cure, in support of breast cancer research and outreach. A breast cancer survivor, and no stranger to long distance walking, Mary is planning on walking 5 km as part of this year’s virtual event (taking place October 4), quite likely sporting bright pink in doing so. Visit http://cibcrunforthecure.ca/ and click “Donate” to search for Mary’s name and donate to her campaign!

These are the days of our lives…. Harvest Glory Days that is! Help Kagawong out by decorating our community in the spirit of the harvest! Homes, businesses, halls, churches, parks, town office, farm gates, goats, lighthouses, giant backhoes, and mailboxes can all be decorated to put us in the running for a fabulous community spirit sign. Check out the Expositor for more details. 

Everyone knows Billings is a hotbed of fantastic artists, and one Kagawongian in particular has been singled out for her work. Willa W will have one of her works be part of this year’s juried exhibition hosted by the North Bay Art Association. Go Willaaa!

Can’t wait 91 days for Christmas? Have we got great news for you! Christmas in Kagawong is only 15 days away! Grab your Santa’s hat and sleigh bells, and join us at the market grounds at The Old Church on the Hill in Kagawong from 10am to 3pm. More details coming soon! Potential vendors should contact Councillor Sharon Alkenbrack, Chair of the Billings Economic Development Committee, if interested at (705) 282-0193.

There’s been so much actually going on in Kagawong lately, we weren’t able to drone on with too many bee puns. I guess we’ll have to bee-hive ourselves for once. Have a great week!

September 18, 2020

Last week Billings residents saw the return of free food hampers courtesy of Noojmowin Teg! This time it was frozen chicken legs that will grace the tables of lucky Islanders. Thanks to all the organizers and the volunteers that make sure everyone is Covid safe while handing out the goods. We know that our regular, loyal, wonderful readers will expect us to use this story as a setup for some poultry and/or egg jokes. Truth is, we were scrambling writing the column this week and we struggled to whip some up. Maybe the start of the school year has left us a bit fried, especially since one of us forgot to set their alarm cluck on day one. We will do our best to be our usual punny comedihens and to be compre-hen-sive in our research and reporting, but honestly, even on our best weeks, more often than not, we are just winging it anyway.  

Last year, we were fortunate to have a Terry Fox run hosted here in Kagawong. This year, however, the run is a virtual event… and can be done anywhere! Check out https://terryfox.org/run/, and join walkers and runners from across the country this Sunday (September 20th) to raise funds for cancer research. 

 

We were sad to learn of the passing of Marjorie Rogers-Saari recently. She was one of a kind, and was willing to take pretty much anyone who needed it under her wing. Our thoughts are with her family and friends. 

Most council meetings have reverted to in-person gatherings at the Park Centre (including Monday’s regular council meeting at 7pm). There will however, be a special meeting of council - Business Town Hall on Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 7pm that will be held virtually. Contact Megan at mbonenfant@billingstwp.ca for more information or to register and get connection details (register by Sept. 23 at 3pm, please). 

Looking to get involved in the township? Several committees have vacancies that need to be filled. If you are interested in being a part of the Events committee, Parks Recreation and Wellness committee, Museum committee, or the Economic Development committee, visit https://billingstwp.ca/committees/ (or stop by the town office) to fill out an application form. Deadline to apply is Friday, September 25.

 

If you happen to see strange people with strange equipment in the cemetery in town over the next few days (or weeks, we aren’t sure. Yay careful, accurate reporting!), never fear. They aren’t grave robbers or vandals (who really don’t work 9 to 5 anyway, so why you would think they were doing something like that, we don’t understand. What is wrong with you?). They are actually using high tech ground-penetrating radar to ‘map’ the cemetery. Over the years, some markers have been moved, removed or have degraded significantly, so these workers are just making sure the township records are as accurate as possible. 

 

We are excited to wish a big Happy Birthday to Barb E who celebrates her birthday right around this time (every year, too. Weird). We trust that family and friends will celebrate your existence over these last 29 years appropriately. Because we know you're a baker extraordinaire, we were wondering if you make your own birthday cake?

 

If it were a chicken birthday party, do you suppose they would serve coop-cakes? They would be made from scratch, of course! They’d probably have some friends over for a pec-nic, or maybe to watch a chick flick. We bet they would play some music and slow dance real close with that special someone...you know - chick to chick, letting their bodies do the communicating, because talk is cheep. Have a great week!

September 11, 2020

With a new season comes new beginnings, and while Team Fergmeijer is heading back to school, several friends of ours are starting new jobs. Not everyone has had success, though. One of our friends lost her job at the bank on her very first day - a customer asked her to check their balance, so she pushed them over. Another friend got fired from the calendar factory… he swears all he did was take a day off.

The Museum and Library have launched an ambitious project this summer - revamping and republishing the ever popular book, “How It All Began: A History of the Kagawong Area circa 1872-1910” and they have secured funding for a 6 month internship! The position is open to those enrolled in or recently graduated from post secondary, and would involve work to research, reproduce, publish and promote the finished product. Application deadline is today (September 11)! More details are available at: https://billingstwp.ca/employment-opportunities/ 

Kim B is celebrating another year around the sun (that makes 29!). We hope she gets the pampering she deserves! A very happy belated 29th birthday to one of the bards of Kagawong, Jamie W. Many happy returns, yo! 

Looking to get involved in the township? Several committees have vacancies that need to be filled. If you are interested in being a part of the Events committee, Parks Recreation and Wellness committee, Museum committee, or the Economic Development committee, visit https://billingstwp.ca/committees/ (or stop by the town office) to fill out an application form. Deadline to apply is Friday, September 25.

It’s hard to tell whether it’s ignorance or apathy that’s ruining the world today. We don’t know and we don’t care.

The Billings library returns to its regular fall/winter hours of Tuesday and Thursday 4-7pm, and Saturday 10 am-1pm. It’s not too late to get your Team Fergmeijer merch! Visit the library’s new website, www.billings-library.com to check out the punderful collection of punny shirts, totes, onesies and face masks, with all monies going toward the library. 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

If you are missing your bi-weekly dose of local politics, you’re in luck! As of this past week, township council meetings are now being held in-person and open to the public again. Meetings will be at the Park Centre, 30 Henry Drive, Kagawong. Seating will be arranged in accordance with appropriate physical distancing, and face masks must be worn by those in attendance. Visit the township website (https://billingstwp.ca/) for agendas and further details.

Last year, we were fortunate to have a Terry Fox run hosted here in Kagawong. This year, however, the run is a virtual event… and can be done anywhere! Check out https://terryfox.org/run/, and join walkers and runners from across the country September 20th to raise funds for cancer research. 

Our final thoughts for the week: Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Have a great week!

September 4, 2020

As life slowly returns to normal with the re-entry of school this coming week, it might be easy to forget that we should still be practicing physical distancing, wearing masks where possible, and maintaining a close social “bubble” of 10 family and/or friends. Different parts of the world have different rules, though. For example, the Seven Dwarfs have been advised that effective immediately, they can only meet in groups of 6. One of them isn’t Happy.

We are doubly sad to report that this past week was ACTUALLY the final township market at the Old Church on the Hill (apologies for reporting the end of the market a week early last week). Thank you again to all the vendors who helped turn the new location into a bustling (socially distant) gathering place each Wednesday throughout the summer. 

Happy Birthday to Susan S who celebrated the big 2-9 this past week! We know she has a most excellent cake connection, so we have no doubt she celebrated in style. 

Congratulations to everyone who walked in The Stroll for Liver last weekend. The group got a standing ovation as they passed through downtown Kagawong! 

 

The Billings library returns to its regular hours of Tuesday and Thursday 4-7pm, and Saturday 10 am-1pm. Big thanks and best wishes to Emily for all her hard work in the stacks this summer! And don’t forget about the Fergmeijer fundraiser for the library! Visit the library’s new website, www.billings-library.com to check out the punderful collection of punny shirts, totes, onesies and face masks.

 

The Museum and Library have launched an ambitious project this summer - revamping and republishing the ever popular book, “How It All Began: A History of the Kagawong Area circa 1872-1910” and they have secured funding for a 6 month internship! The position is open to those enrolled in or recently graduated from post secondary, and would involve work to research, reproduce, publish and promote the finished product. Application deadline is September 11th. More details are available at: https://billingstwp.ca/employment-opportunities/ 

 

If you are missing your bi-weekly dose of local politics, you’re in luck! As of this past week, township council meetings are now being held in-person and open to the public again. Meetings will be at the Park Centre, 30 Henry Drive, Kagawong. Seating will be arranged in accordance with appropriate physical distancing, and face masks must be worn by those in attendance. Visit the township website (https://billingstwp.ca/) for agendas and further details.

 

Last year, we were fortunate to have a Terry Fox run hosted here in Kagawong. This year, however, the run is a virtual event… and can be done anywhere! Check out https://terryfox.org/run/, and join walkers and runners from across the country September 20th to raise funds for cancer research. 

 

Our deep thoughts for the week: When one door closes, another one opens… other than that it’s a pretty good car. Have a great week!

August 28, 2020

This past week, the Ministry of Transportation published a list of vanity licence plates that the province did not approve for use on vehicles. Team Fergmeijer was not surprised to see plates such as COVID19, MOISTLY, OKBOOMER, and HAAAAAAA get rejected, however we’re keeping our fingers crossed that our recent requests of BRDLVEIL, SNDY BECH, TM FRGMJR, GRMS HILL, and KAG TRKYS vanity plates all get approved.

The Old Mill Heritage Centre’s annual History Day in Kagawong is online this year in deference to Covid-19 precautions. You can still browse the best moments from a decade’s worth of History Day presentations at the museum’s website, www.kagawongmuseum.ca.

We are sad to report that this past week was the final township market at the Old Church on the Hill. Thank you to all the vendors who helped turn the new location into a bustling (socially distant) gathering place each Wednesday throughout the summer. 

The end of the weekly markets can mean only one thing - the start of the school year is almost upon us. A gentle reminder that this year is quite different from past years and to check with your school and with the school board for start up procedures. There will be 3 PA days the first week of September (Sept 1, 2, 3) before students start returning to classes on the 8th.  

Happy Birthday wishes go out to Billings icon Ed B who turned 29 last week. We thought it would be a funny joke if we reversed the numbers of his age, but who would believe that Ed is in his 90s?! Belated birthday wishes also go out to the venerable MZ of Gore Bay, who celebrated his 29th birthday this past week. Hats off to you, good sir! Amy H, who also lives in Gore Bay, (but desperately wants to be a Kagawongian, in her heart of hearts) is another one who has hit the big 29 - on the 29th no less! Many happy returns and we hope the hooligans treat you right on your big day. 

The library and the museum have launched an ambitious project this summer - revamping and republishing the ever popular book, “How It All Began: A History of the Kagawong Area circa 1872-1910” and they have secured funding for a 6 month internship! The position is open to those enrolled in or recently graduated from post secondary, and would involve work to research, reproduce, publish and promote the finished product. Application deadline is September 11th. More details are available at: https://billingstwp.ca/employment-opportunities/ 

Don’t forget about the Fergmeijer fundraiser for the library! Visit the library’s new website, www.billings-library.com to check out the punderful collection of punny shirts, totes, onesies and face masks.

Our words of wisdom for the week: surround yourself with tacos, not negativity. Have a great week!